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i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
SARGE: Well, boys, you ready for the big push tomorrow?

ROCCO: Aw, these creeps ain't so tough. I been in worse scrapes back in Flatbush.

BILLY: Really? Did the other hoods have heat rays and flesh-stripping razors back in Flatbush?

ROCCO: Maybe they did and maybe they didn't, creep-o.

MURPH: Yeah, what's it to ya, college boy?

SARGE: Pipe down, you mugs. Try and grab a little shuteye before reveille.

MURPH: It's gonna be a rough go, fightin' those bums in the middle of the crowded city streets.

BILLY: Yeah, Sarge, why can't we just order an evacuation?

SARGE: Can't do it, kid. Doc says it would cause a panic.

ROCCO: Aw, nertz.

MURPH: That's what he said when the vampires attacked!

BILLY: And the robots.

MURPH: And the robotic vampires…

ROCCO: The werewolf gorillas…

BILLY: The gorilla werewolves..

MURPH: Actually, those were wolfen were-gorillas.

BILLY: What's the difference?

MURPH: Well, see, one is a half-intelligent man-wolf who occasionally turns into a gorilla-man, while the other is…"

SARGE: All right! That's enough out of you jaspers! We got a job to do, and we don't want to panic the citizenry on top of it.

BILLY: I think we have the most panic-resistant citizens in the world.

MURPH: No one cares what you think, egghead.

ROCCO: Brainiac.

MURPH: Gorilla werewolf sympathizer.

SARGE: Pipe down, everyone! All our people back home are counting on us to save us from the Martians or whatever they are. Think of them when you're on the front lines facing their fire beams.

BILLY: Heat rays.

SARGE: Whatever. Do it for your loved ones.

MURPH: Say, does anybody wanna see pictures of my girl back home? We're getting married the day after my tour of duty is over!

EVERYONE: NO!

Simulacrum of agony

  • May. 20th, 2008 at 9:34 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
So, my finger is not actually broken; it is merely sprained in a way that resembles a break. Similarly, my air conditioner is not actually broken; it is merely functioning in such a way as to provide no qualities of cooling the air.

Does he die? No; life is found to be extinct.
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
THE GOOD NEWS:

1. I got a freelance check today from a publication I long ago figured I was going to have to sue for not paying me.

2. I just lined up an interview with a very cool film director, and though I don't have a client for it, someone's gonna wanna buy this thing. I'm quite excited.

3. The government has assured me that I will be getting my economic pornography check any day now, no honestly it will, we promise.

THE BAD NEWS:

1. Apparently I was issued a parking ticket while in Seattle and they have chosen to alert me of this fact by mail. I already paid more for parking there than I had for anything else anywhere ever, and if anything, I feel like I OVERPAID for parking, but the ro-bot assures me I must pay.

2. Another minor freelance gig, not all that lucrative but interesting, fell through.

3. In what very well may be the stupidest accident ever, I got my headphones stuck in the door of my car, and I opened it to get them out but because I had my iPod in my hand I pushed the door closed when I was done with only one finger, and miscalculated the distance, resulting in my possibly having broken the ring finger on my beat-off hand. I'm actually too embarrassed to tell a doctor about this moronic accident.

This one's for all the poor kids

  • May. 19th, 2008 at 10:35 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
While we're at it, y'all nerds:

Poll #1190364 My parents hated me too
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Which of THESE video game systems did you have/do you have?

View Answers

Vectrex
0 (0.0%)

ColecoVision
8 (33.3%)

Magnavox Odessey
1 (4.2%)

Atari 7800
8 (33.3%)

Commodore 64 GS
7 (29.2%)

Sega MegaDrive
0 (0.0%)

Turbografx-16
6 (25.0%)

Atari Lynx
0 (0.0%)

Apple Pippin
0 (0.0%)

Atari Jaguar
0 (0.0%)

N-Gage QD
0 (0.0%)

Tapwave Zodiac
0 (0.0%)

Evo
0 (0.0%)

GP2X
1 (4.2%)

Gizmondo
1 (4.2%)

MONDAY IS POLL

  • May. 19th, 2008 at 10:22 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
Take it. Take my poll.

Poll #1190356 Here come a poll sayin' MONDAY MONDAY
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

In what context do people most make you wish for a plague that would kill everybody?

View Answers

when they are driving
16 (28.1%)

when they are in a long line
2 (3.5%)

when they are calling in to a radio show
7 (12.3%)

when they are competing with one another
3 (5.3%)

when they are expressing their opinions on the internet
15 (26.3%)

when they are talking about their children
4 (7.0%)

when they are talking about YOUR children
2 (3.5%)

when they are explaining why they did not do something
4 (7.0%)

when they are hobos
1 (1.8%)

other (see Comments)
3 (5.3%)

Pick one.

View Answers

Monie Love
1 (1.8%)

Queen Latifah
11 (19.3%)

Yo-Yo
2 (3.5%)

MC Lyte
4 (7.0%)

Lady of Rage
2 (3.5%)

Missy Elliott
10 (17.5%)

Jean Grae
4 (7.0%)

Psalm One
0 (0.0%)

Roxannne Shante
1 (1.8%)

Tairrie B.
1 (1.8%)

M.I.A.
5 (8.8%)

Lauryn Hill
11 (19.3%)

Macromantics
0 (0.0%)

Li'l' Kim
2 (3.5%)

other (see Comments)
3 (5.3%)

Which despotic testicular injury would you rather have, if you were forced to choose?

View Answers

having only one ball
11 (19.3%)

having two, but they are very small
10 (17.5%)

having some affliction that is similar to having two very small balls
9 (15.8%)

having no balls at all
10 (17.5%)

I object to this question on general principles
17 (29.8%)

I have/have had the following video game systems:

View Answers

Atari 2600
18 (36.0%)

Intellivision
4 (8.0%)

Sega GameGear
3 (6.0%)

Sega Master System
8 (16.0%)

NES
33 (66.0%)

Super NES
19 (38.0%)

Game Boy
24 (48.0%)

Neo-Geo
1 (2.0%)

PlayStation
19 (38.0%)

Sega Saturn
1 (2.0%)

3DO
2 (4.0%)

Nintendo 64
15 (30.0%)

Xbox
9 (18.0%)

GameCube
8 (16.0%)

PlayStation 2
26 (52.0%)

Dreamcast
3 (6.0%)

PlayStation 3
3 (6.0%)

Wii
15 (30.0%)

Xbox 360
10 (20.0%)

PSP
4 (8.0%)

Elucidate upon the theme of a game show you would create, if you were a game-show-creation specialist.

Mo' social networking, mo' stupid

  • May. 19th, 2008 at 9:53 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
Hey, everybody! Let's see what reviews people have given books I've read on GoodReads.com!

***

WORLD WAR Z: This is an interesting book to read, because it not only covers most of the main cities in the world, but it also covers some of the dumb ass people (Celebrities) that would do anything to survive and try to keep a Good (I use this term VERY loosely) rep. All I know is that if Zombies invaded anytime soon, I would be at Wal-Mart, here is why: THEY HAVE FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!

ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF SOLITUDE: I hated this book.....don't waste your time even though it is an Oprah book!!!!

WAR AND PEACE: It was okay I guess but I got tired of reading about war all the time

TOM JONES: The meat of the plot itself was surrounded by so much STUFF! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!! Anyway, like I said, the plot was good--a faithful movie version (or even the Spark Notes version) would be a fun little romp, but the book itself was just too wordy!

NO ONE BELONGS HERE MORE THAN YOU: Meh.

HUCKLEBERRY FINN: Huck rocks. Tom Sawyer is annoying. but overall it is a great adventure story if you can get through Tom's constant dragging out of things to the point of annoyance!

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: I read this in high school and I recall making a "dictionary" on notebook paper to figure out what all of the non-English words meant. I wish I still had that paper.

ATLAS SHRUGGED: Very neat.

A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: I guess dumbasses don't go nowhere. kinda like this book.

THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF KAVALIER AND CLAY: Interesting, but a bit overboard on the Jewish perspective.


***

Well, it's not IMDB message boards, but it'll do.

Icons

  • May. 16th, 2008 at 10:38 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
Okay, let's try this again. I'm still having trouble with the text, but it's better than it was, thanks to y'all's advice. Feel free to steal, if you're less embarrassed by them than I am:

































There were a lot more of these in my head

  • May. 15th, 2008 at 4:38 PM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
Sometimes, I try to make icons. It's fun and it lets me get mildly better at Photoshop. Unfortunately, I don't know how to make text legible at the tiny size you have to use for LJ icons, so there's only two of the dozen or so that I was dicking around with at work that actually came out readable.

And here they are, for your stealin' pleasure:



So step up if you wanna get hurt

  • May. 15th, 2008 at 10:54 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
Count my iron in millimeters, my stash is in milligrams
But when I count coup then I do it in pentagrams
When I'm on like LeBon I don't blame it on Rio
But I'm throwin' the horns like my name was James Dio
Ghetto boll weevil, USDA primeval
Watch my snake jump like I was Evel Knieval
Size you up like a Brannock, growin' beats so organic
'Cause I'm heated, not frosted, I'm Satanic causing panic
All my metal is heavy, break you down like a Chevy
Packin' so many arms you might think I'm a devi
But I'm straight outta Hades, and I'm hell on the ladies
And I'm bringin' more fear than a thousand Max Cadys
'Cause I'm strictly a villain, electrifyin' like Max Dillon
If you think that you're still in, come and witness a killin'
Murderous on the mic, king of codin' like Vic
I'm sayin' "welcome to hell, kid" – now do what you like

Now I'm made in America like the hydrogen bomb
If you want my statistics, go to deadsuckas.com
It takes a minute to kill, it takes a second to die
And then a lifetime in hell, your punk ass wondering why
I'm the Beast of all b-boys, rap's Aleister Crowley
When you talk no one listens, like you was Coleen Rowley
You promise me scriptures but got nothin' to say
While I'm rewriting the Bible just like Anton LaVey
I been sent as an omen, like Damien Thorn
Pullin' trim like a showman while you're downloadin' porn
Got a sting in my tail like my name was Pazuzu
I strictly will use you, leave you with a boo-boo
While you mess with your levels I'll be raising the Devil
While you're cryin' for peace you appease me like Neville
I'm the Hellstrom of hip-hop, the first seed of Satan
I'll see you in Hell for the high crime of hatin'
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
I went out this morning, as I do every morning, to pick up my New York Times. I slipped off the blue plastic rain sack, tossed it in the garbage can near my bedroom window, and looked at the biggest above-the-fold headline. It was about the catastrophic earthquake in China that has killed the only children of many people, which I honestly am really very sad about.

This is what the headline said:

TINY BODIES IN A MORGUE

And I swear to God I did not want this to happen. My brain just forced it. I had no more control over it than I do breathing. Instantly, my brain started singing:

"Make me feel happy, make me feel fine."

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

American Also

  • May. 14th, 2008 at 10:38 PM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
2008: The Year of the David Mistakes.

I got a big post in me when I'm less stoned about all the ways this show went wrong. I ain't even need to wait to see which one of these failure conditions gets the big prize.

A strong feeling overwhelms me that the number of TV shows I watch on a regular basis is about to drop to two.

Whut the hay wagon

  • May. 14th, 2008 at 9:44 PM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
I am tryin not to be excitable about this pri-mary no more but I swear to hot corn that if I read written words of one more liberal Democrat especially if that liberal Democrat is writing the words on a web site complaining about how a certain lady candidate is being opposed by the "creative class" I am going to go find someone with sense and beat it out of them.

DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE.

Mad Ape Zig

  • May. 13th, 2008 at 1:06 PM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
Shenanigans aplenty are being had at Mad Ape Den. I encourage your visititation and particimiapationation.

The Destroyer Project RSS Whatever

  • May. 13th, 2008 at 10:15 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
If, for some reason, you wish to follow my quixotic new blog, The Destroyer Project, and you wish to do so using an RSS feed, whatever that is, one is apparently located here. And some kind soul(s) set up an LJ feed: [info]mrgordons.

I don't know what any of this means so please don't ask me any questions about it. However, I am happy to discuss who was more awesome, the Dutchman or the Master.

Whorin'

  • May. 13th, 2008 at 12:03 AM
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
This is absolutely the dumbest idea I've ever had, but that's never stopped me from doing anything ever before.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: The Destroyer Project, wherein I will read and review every single Destroyer novel ever written. Why? I have no idea. The interest in this from anyone, it would be highly flattering to call it "marginal". But I am doing it just the same.

So there. Enjoy it, if you can*.

*: You can't.
i give up, dude!, my ass it's what's for dinner, stoopid with two Os, hey, smooth talker, baby demon, bad motherfucker, crushing your head, real threats don't speak, banana, smashing!, technical difficulty, cap'n hedgehog reporting for duty, get back, have a nice day (thanks erindubitably!), it's a thinker, gimme some sugar baby, now I get it, smokin', time for a beatin', naked and ashamed, i'm driving!, talk to the hand, best friends (thanks erindubitably!), enough already, zip it, help a brother out, i crush you like grape, the one with your name on it, i own you peasants, ahem, on a steel horse I ride, now let me tell you what *i* think, blowhard, bad ass, flavored with age, typing for victory!, whacked on the skull, spit-take, uh oh, no comprende, space geek, um..., i got all the money, a resounding daaar, security!, crime!, this is a job for..., why you little...!, anyone home?, hummina hummina, what's up your butt?, funny ha ha, bending the strings, stick it in your ear, nah I'm just fuckin with you, can you dig it?, rebel rebel your face is a mess, nice ass, sexay sexay, hmph, i...i see, life of the mind, getting my goat, good grief, smirkovitch, thanks for the help, mmmmm delicious, yes ma'am, mighty cola, stella stella can't you hear me yella, lex you idiot, more good news, bringin home a baby bumblebee, three see pee one, i brung you purty flowers, hooray!, holiday, couples only, corn gurnulations!, aaaw nertz, bizarro am drunk motherfucker, smile (thanks erindubitably!), it says here..., more bad news, zzzzzzz, hit the road sucker, ho ho ho, way to be!, wasted AND stoned, hear ye hear ye, i can't hear you, what's up?, gimme dat, teh winnar!, eeeexcellent, hail to the chump, what the professional fuck?, i win at swimming!, what have i done?, is this thing on?, whats on the tee vee, aging gracelessly, chinrub, fight the machine, goal-oriented, ouch, it's magic, that's that, i'm druuuuunk, not exactly how i planned it, surprise i'm nuts, he's just a stereotype, hmmmmmm..., party time, i love you, doomsday, out at home, hand it over, take it off, i don't think so, god bless the internet, no comment, hello?
So, as some of you may know, as Bibles go, I am no fan of modern translations. I think that the more you stray from the KJV, the more you dumb it down, and worse, the more you suck the poetry out of it, which is the only thing that makes big chunks of the fucking thing worth reading. But at other times, I wonder: is this a fair assessment, or am I just favoring the version I grew up reading?

To get a clearer picture of what you, the hellbound hoi polloi think, I have provided, below the cut, translations from 15 different versions of the Bible of one of my very favorite passages. Please read them and then vote in the following poll.

Job 41:14-34 )

Poll #1186680 Leviathan
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Based on the excerpts, which Bible translation is the WORST of those listed?

View Answers

King James
2 (5.4%)

New International
1 (2.7%)

New American Standard
0 (0.0%)

Message Bible
3 (8.1%)

Amplified Bible
3 (8.1%)

New Living Bible
4 (10.8%)

English Standard
0 (0.0%)

Contemporary English
8 (21.6%)

New Century
0 (0.0%)

American Standard
0 (0.0%)

Young's Literal
5 (13.5%)

Darby
0 (0.0%)

New Life
3 (8.1%)

Holman Christian Standard
1 (2.7%)

New International Readers
7 (18.9%)

Based on the excerpts, which Bible translation is the BEST of those listed?

View Answers

King James
22 (59.5%)

New International
7 (18.9%)

New American Standard
0 (0.0%)

Message Bible
0 (0.0%)

Amplified Bible
2 (5.4%)

New Living Bible
1 (2.7%)

English Standard
0 (0.0%)

Contemporary English
1 (2.7%)

New Century
0 (0.0%)

American Standard
0 (0.0%)

Young's Literal
1 (2.7%)

Darby
2 (5.4%)

New Life