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Poll #690183 A Global Poll Thing
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All
Who is your favorite character in R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"?
Sylvester
1 (2.3%)
Cathy/Mary 0 (0.0%)
Rufus 2 (4.7%)
Chuck 0 (0.0%)
Gwendolyn 0 (0.0%)
Twan 5 (11.6%)
Officer James 0 (0.0%)
Bridget 2 (4.7%)
Big Man 2 (4.7%)
Rosey the Nosey Neighbor 1 (2.3%)
Narrator R. Kelly 2 (4.7%)
the Beretta 2 (4.7%)
who could possibly decide between all these brilliant dramatic characters? 7 (16.3%)
I have no idea what you're talking about 16 (37.2%)
Fuck you 3 (7.0%)
Which is your favorite chapter of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"?
Chapter 1: Enter the Closet 0 (0.0%)
Chapter 2: Let's Settle This Christian-Like 1 (2.3%)
Chapter 3: A Homo Named Chuck 0 (0.0%)
Chapter 4: I'm Going to Climax 2 (4.7%)
Chapter 5: Oh My God a Rubber 3 (7.0%)
Chapter 6: But From His Perspective... 1 (2.3%)
Chapter 7: Like a Spatula Gonna Do Something Against Them Guns 1 (2.3%)
Chapter 8: I'mo Heat Up This Chicken 1 (2.3%)
Chapter 9: The Midget in the Cupboard 4 (9.3%)
Chapter 10: I Think I Done Shitted On Myself 4 (9.3%)
Chapter 11: Baby Daddy 0 (0.0%)
Chapter 12: That Ho Was Me 1 (2.3%)
I'm withholding judgment until all 32 chapters are done 6 (14.0%)
I have no idea what you're talking about 16 (37.2%)
No, seriously, fuck you 3 (7.0%)
What is your favorite word or phrase from R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"?
"shuh" 0 (0.0%)
"bogus mack shit" 0 (0.0%)
"y'all ass is crazy" 6 (14.0%)
"like I was tryin' to give her a baby" 3 (7.0%)
"I'm gonna bust a vessel in my brain" 0 (0.0%)
"sniggle" 2 (4.7%)
"put they ass on blast" 0 (0.0%)
"Rosie is a G, no doubt" 2 (4.7%)
"he realizes Bridget's allergic to cherries" 3 (7.0%)
"He continues to rough up the midget as if the midget was under attack" 6 (14.0%)
"hot mess" 0 (0.0%)
"snurs" 2 (4.7%)
"old crusty wig-wearing-ass ho" 5 (11.6%)
I have no idea what you're talking about 12 (27.9%)
Fuck you sideways with a hammer 2 (4.7%)
Overall, what is the greatest thing about R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"
The fact that even though he probably spend about twenty million dollars on it, it looks like it was done at a public access cable studio 1 (2.3%)
How nobody ever explained the principle of 'show, don't tell' to R. Kelly, so the whole movie is just him showing us something and then singing about what we're seeing 2 (4.7%)
How "Sylvester" keeps yelling at everyone to calm down, when it's him who pulls out a gun and threatens to kill people at the drop of a hat 8 (18.6%)
How R. Kelly's narration inexplicably shifts from first person to third person for no reason, sometimes in the same verse 1 (2.3%)
How the song, when it is finished, will be approximately an hour and a half long, and contains no chord changes or variations of any kind 1 (2.3%)
How the plot makes no sense whatsoever because R. Kelly is clearly making it all up as he goes along 1 (2.3%)
How R. Kelly uses the word "cliffhanger" when he means "surprise" or "mystery" 1 (2.3%)
How sometimes R. Kelly self-censors the foul language, and sometimes he doesn't, with no explanation 1 (2.3%)
How Sylvester is really R. Kelly, but R. Kelly is also in the movie as the narrator, and you can only tell which is which by the color of their shirt 1 (2.3%)
How we're supposed to think the fact that Rufus is a pastor gives his character weight and moral complexity, even though he is having a gay affair and curses like a sailor 2 (4.7%)
How there doesn't seem to be any reason whatsoever for Twan to exist 0 (0.0%)
How, in the commentary, R. Kelly explains what is going on in the movie, as if we couldn't just see it plus listen to the song explaining everything that's happening anyway 5 (11.6%)
How R. Kelly claims that there is going to be a talk show based on "Trapped in the Closet" 3 (7.0%)
I have no idea what you're talking about 14 (32.6%)
Fuck you twice bent-over by an elephant 2 (4.7%)
What other great thing about R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" can you think of?
Comments
Seriously though, everyone should see this work of art. Everyone. I can't believe there are people who don't like it! Those people have no soul.
I like the part in the verse where his voice goes up all HIGH at the end of the line, but even more I like the part where it gets all loud and dramatic and frenetic and OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT PUT DOWN ALL THE GUNS.
Did you watch it with the R. Kelly commentary? Because that makes an awesome thing a million times awesomer.
Every time I thought it couldn't get more awesome, I would think "wow, another chapter? It's been great so far, but I really don't see how it could be better" and then SOMETHING MINDBLOWINGLY AWESOME WOULD HAPPEN.
Man, right? Like, when Narrator R. Kelly comes out to tell us to pause the movie because of the fact that a midget is about to show up, I think the top of my head just flipped off.
And when they finished the first chapter, they cut back to R.Kelly and his friends whooping and hollering, and someone started chanting "Oscar! Oscar!" and Kelly said "Next year's oscar award winner right here," even though it's a fucking music video you insano.
1. when he's clearly looking at the wrong camera
and
2. when brigette's husband starts to suspect they're not alone and kelly says "obviously!"
And he says "cliffhanger" and "if you noticed" like fifteen thousand times each. It's just SO AMAZING.
that was totally the best christmas present i've ever bought my little sister.
I also love how R. Kelly stands there during the end credits, smoking a cigar, and says, "Don't forget about Roxanne and Tina." Or how he beds his wife without taking his pants down.
Also, for someone with a sex tape, he sure doesn't know how people talk during sex. "Oh my God, I'm going to clii-maax/It's cool, cliii-maax, just get off my leg!"