"Now he's opening the closet."
0 (0.0%)

"I can't believe it's a man!"
2 (4.3%)

"A man picks up the phone."
1 (2.2%)

"Oh my God, a rubber!"
4 (8.7%)

"That was the policeman that stopped you."
1 (2.2%)

"All of the sudden, pow!"
1 (2.2%)

"It's Rosie the nosey neighbor."
2 (4.3%)

"Somebody is still right there in his home."
0 (0.0%)

"Not only is there a man in the cabinet, but the man is a midget."
15 (32.6%)

"They turn and look at each other like, 'What the hell?'..."
1 (2.2%)

"Not only am I sleepin' with Big Man, but he's my baby's daddy."
1 (2.2%)

"Gwen, I'm sorry, girl, but that ho was me."
0 (0.0%)

They're all so great, I can't choose
2 (4.3%)

I like the little echoey murmurs he does at the end of each one
1 (2.2%)

Enough with the R. Kelly polls
15 (32.6%)

How Bridget claims to be on the rag even though her husband knows she's pregnant
0 (0.0%)

How Cathy and Sylvester don't recognize each other even though Cathy is best friends with his wife
5 (10.9%)

How Gwen somehow knows that James pulled Sylvester over earlier in the day even though she wasn't there
2 (4.3%)

How Sylvester doesn't know how James knows Chuck and Rufus even though earlier his wife explained they introduced her to James
1 (2.2%)

How Sylvester seems to know about events and conversations that took place while he wasn't there
1 (2.2%)

How Bridget claims to be the one who paid off Big Man, although it's not clear for what reason
4 (8.7%)

How probably about six hours pass between the time Sylvester leaves Cathy's apartment and the time the people in it start talking again
3 (6.5%)

How the entire story is just one big plot hole
5 (10.9%)

Those aren't plot holes! They will totally be explained in the next 20 chapters.
8 (17.4%)

Seriously, man, enough with the fucking R. Kelly polls
17 (37.0%)

R. Kelly ("Sylvester")
2 (5.6%)

Cat Wilson ("Gwen")
2 (5.6%)

LeShay Tomlinson ("Cathy"/"Mary")
1 (2.8%)

Rolando Boyce ("Rufus")
2 (5.6%)

Malik S. Middleton ("Chuck")
1 (2.8%)

Michael Kenneth Williams ("James")
5 (13.9%)

Rebecca Field ("Bridget")
0 (0.0%)

Eric Lane ("Twan")
4 (11.1%)

Drevon Cooks ("Big Man")
5 (13.9%)

LaDonna Tittle ("Rosey the Nosey Neighbor")
14 (38.9%)

Hot-headed, gun-wielding Lothario with no fixed occupation
4 (10.3%)

Woman who lounges around all day in house filled with portraits of her husband
3 (7.7%)

Crusty old wig-wearing-ass ho
2 (5.1%)

Foul-mouthed homosexual pastor
6 (15.4%)

Effeminate homosexual deacon
0 (0.0%)

Chain-smoking miscegenating police officer
3 (7.7%)

Overweight pregnant hick with cherry allergy
2 (5.1%)

Well-dressed dwarf stripper with bowel control issues
7 (17.9%)

Muscular, bulletproof, homicidal ex-convict
0 (0.0%)

Spatula-wielding senile dementia sufferer
12 (30.8%)

How Sylvester interrupts his wife's orgasm because he is having a leg cramp
15 (32.6%)

How Sylvester keeps his pants on the entire time
10 (21.7%)

How Sylvester seems to think that deeper penetration will result in pregnancy
8 (17.4%)

How Gwen has the twitchiest orgasm since Elizabeth Berkeley in "Showgirls"
3 (6.5%)

How they have sex under a giant portrait of R. Kelly
16 (34.8%)

How R. Kelly sort of implies that he goes down on his wife, but doesn't really dwell on it lest we think he's a sissy
7 (15.2%)

How Gwen doesn't bother to take the condom wrapper out of the bed even though she knows her husband is on the way home
6 (13.0%)

How it's exactly like my own sex life
3 (6.5%)

There was nothing to like about that scene
3 (6.5%)

I'm not kidding, man, no more fucking R. Kelly
15 (32.6%)