You are weak. You are wack. You are sissy soft suckas. You are counterrevolutionary hoarders, chumps, and whining mongrel filth of the first order.
I, on the other hand, am the Duke of New York; I am A-Number-One. There is only one way to redeem yourself: TAKE MY CHALLENGE!
Spending an entire month on writing a novel is for cowards, Fabians and degenerates. It is for those without the courage of their half-formed convictions. I hereby declare this to be NATIONAL NOVEL-WRITING DAY!
Anyone who cannot write a 50,000-word novel of superior quality within 24 hours does not deserve to be called a writer, or, indeed, a human being. I expect each of you to post, in your journal, a completed novel of no less than the abovementioned length by midnight tonight. Perhaps you will seek a shortcut, by posting your “novel-in-progress”, or some variety of five-word micro-novel or the like; to this I say, there is no shame in failure, unless you consider humiliation, degradation and the knowledge that your literary impotence has been fully exposed to all your peers to be shameful.
You have your task. Waste no further time.
Page Summary
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Comments
I'm already failing. But that's in keeping with the spirit of WriSoMiFu. It's like the Festivus of writing challenges.
If I had known I was supposed to write a novel today, I would have needed to know at least by last Friday, so I could take the day off from work.
It is absurd to imagine that anyone could write 50,000 words in a single day while simultaneously doing their 8-hour a day job.
Plus I have a class tonight.
While National Novel Writing Day is nice, I also really liked your previous idea for National Sculpting A Statue Month.
FEAR ME.
It won't make any sense, but that doesn't seem to matter to the people I'm supposed to be learning how to write from.
"Please, please, please. Recite it for me."
He lifted his head and looked at her. She was lolling about dreamily. -You're in for it now, he thought.
"OK, but you have to hear me out," he said. "Sure, whatever," she whispered.
He cleared his throat and began. "River Run, uh, hold on." He sipped from the enormous mesh-covered water bottle next to the bed. "Lemme start over."
"...riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs..."
[Note to self: copy and paste here.]
"...Bussoftlhee, mememormee! Till thousendsthee. Lps. The keys to. Given! A way a lone a last a loved a long the, okay that's it. What did you think?"
Her snores rebuked the quiet in the darkened room. The afternoon sun was long gone, as if the airline pilot had instead undergone a bi-lateral orchiectomy and decided to stay home for a little longer to recoup. The man was parched, like, for reals. -No one ever stays awake through that, he thought, and slipped out for his scheduled rendezvous with his TA, his mind and scrotum tingling with hundred-letter thunder words.
THE END.
OR IS IT?
The other option being what friends did to Parker, and getting locked in a room with no booze and not let out until some work got done, and I'd rather not pee on my laptop.
End Chapter One
I am a fan of people getting out of agonizing-over-how-do-I-start-writing stage and into just-fucking-write-something stage. However, I get very tired of hearing people talk endlessly about their word counts rather than about the substance of what they've written. I mean, having recently finished a novel in a non-NaNo context, I know that as frustrating as it is, sometimes you write 4,000 words and then reread them and go "you know what? This just ain't working." And you delete it all, and then sometimes you realize you can do what you were trying to do in those 4,000 words much more cleanly and effectively in 800 words. I hate that that's completely against the spirit of NaNo ("you do all your editing later!" YEAH WELL I WOULD REALLY RATHER WRITE THE BEST FIRST DRAFT I CAN AS I AM WRITING IT SO THAT WHEN I AM DONE WITH IT IT'S NOT HORRENDOUSLY BLOATED AND ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO SALVAGE.)
Whatever. Your post was funny, and this comment is not funny, and therefore I lose. I guess I just turned into a NaNo crank, is all, despite the fact that I've been a defender in the past.
(OK, not really, I'm just feeling silly.)