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L'art du maugrément

A few minutes ago, while I was reading the AV Club review of Mirror’s Edge, I thought to myself, you know, if I didn’t spend so much time watching movies featuring parkour, and watching documentaries about parkour, and playing video games involving parkour, I might actually be able to learn to do parkour.

Then I remembered that I am a fat, hulking yutz in my late thirties who cannot run more than ten feet without having a heart attack and who gets winded answering the telephone. So instead, I decided to invent a new urban activity called “frakas”, or “free stomping”. It involves finding the most inefficient, violent and noisy way to navigate a route between two points. Obstacles can be painstakingly walked around, smashed to pieces while cursing angrily, or avoided altogether with the use of a taxicab. Preferred methods of traversal include stomping, shambling, lurching, trudging and meandering. Encountering a gap is usually dealt with by loudly complaining, or standing at the edge while shrugging one’s shoulders. The ultimate goal of frakas is to become one with the urban environment while doing as little work as possible, and to learn how to circumnavigate one’s surroundings begrudgingly, as our forefathers did.

Lessons start at $25 per hour. Recommended gear includes Tims, ironic t-shirts, and packs of cigarettes.

Comments

( 6 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
ludickid
Nov. 17th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
Remember in Casino Royale when Daniel Craig is chasing Sébastien Foucan through the construction site, and Foucan does this killer franchissement through a skylight, and then Craig just bashes through the drywall? That’s pure frakas right there.
oilyrags
Nov. 18th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Hey, Kool-Aid!

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
roseyv
Nov. 18th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
This made me laugh aloud repeatedly
But this:

"who gets winded answering the telephone"

was actually worth getting out of bed this morning.
rxgreene
Nov. 18th, 2008 01:25 am (UTC)
So it's more K2 from Banlieue 13 than Captain Tomaso? I am down.
thaitea
Nov. 18th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
I get a little winded lifting a spoon laden with sugary, greasy ice cream. Where can I sign up for your new dance?
vito_excalibur
Nov. 18th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
Shit dude, cite some precedents and you could probably get hired to teach an urban design seminar at my school.
( 6 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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