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JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

“And I’m not even GREEEEEEEEEEK”

So over at the (freshly redesigned, check it out yo) AV Club, there’s an interview with Flight of the Conchords, and at one point, Bret says this:

There aren't many TV shows that can go on tour. You can't go watch The Sopranos.


Which, of course, immediately made me want to go see a touring company stage version of The Sopranos. Or, better yet, a musical comedy revue based on The Wire. You know, like this:

- “Yo, String (Where Wally At?)” – D’Angelo
- “These Are For You” – Bill Rawls and His Dancing Fingers
- “Looking for New Republic” – Brother Mouzone & Gerard
- “Hamsterdam” – Johnny & the Junkie Chorus
- “Honey Nut” – Omar & Renaldo
- “Who Young Leek Be?” – Chris, Snoop & Yankee Fans
- “Pussae” – Lester, The Bunk & Ghost of McNutty
- “The Ballad of Fuzzy Dunlop” – Herc
- “Me and My Duckie” – Ziggy & the Dockworkers
- “Shameful (The Sheeeeeeeeee-it Song)” – Sen. Clay Davis

And ah-one, two, you know what to do.

Comments

( 10 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
oilyrags
Jan. 13th, 2009 04:08 pm (UTC)
I'm picturing a Wagnerian "Bling Ring of West Ballmer" leitmotif.
johnnylemonhead
Jan. 13th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
You made my day, Leonard Pierce.
"The Cheese Gonna Put the Squeeze On Me" - Prop Joe.
perich
Jan. 13th, 2009 04:39 pm (UTC)
(to the tune of "Luck, Be A Lady")
A slow violin intro. BUBS wanders down center into a spot. The cries of "Pandemic!" and "WMD!" fade into the background.

BUBS
They call you 'Mr. Brown.'
You always treat me nice.
I lie in my slum and I chat with you 'till my toes turn to ice.
You're on the town with me.
I'm flying like a kite.
Who cares if my clothes or the scabs on my nose make me loo-o-k ... a fright?
They tell me I'm an addict
They say I might have AIIIIIIIIIDS!
But tonight, you're all this poor ... boy ... neeeeeeds ...

Lights up. The dealers have changed out of street clothes in the dark into tux and tails. They form a chorus line behind Bubs.

BUBS
I'm gonna shoot up tonight!
I'm gonna shoot up tonight!
I'm gonna ride that horse until I shit my trousers.
I'm gonna shoot up tonight!

The dancers surround Bubs, stripping him of his ratty jacket and pants and dressing him in a dinner jacket with silver sequins.

BUBS
I'm gonna shoot up my veins!
I'll get so high, I might just go insane!
I'm gonna shoot that rock and sleep for thirty hours.
I'm gonna shoot up my veins!

More dancers appear on either side of the stage - one twirling a ribbon, one twirling a baton. Bubs snatches the ribbon from one and pantomimes tying off his arm with it. He takes the baton from the other and simulates making an injection.

BUBS
You never call me "bum" or "junkie"
Or "ghetto trash"! Or "worthless punk"!
I call you up whenever my girl Kima gives me ten,
Or when I catch a break from Mac or Bunk!

Dancers swarm the stage behind Bubs, now resplendent in sequined jacket and tap shoes. The dancers do a "bubble dance" (a la Gypsy Rose Lee), but using large rocks instead of bubbles.

BUBS
Let's keep this party all night! I've
Got a scam that's gonna do us right!
My sister hates me and my son thinks I been murdered
But I'm gonna shoot up ...
Gonna get screwed up ...
I'm gonna shoot up! TOOOO-NIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
perich
Jan. 13th, 2009 04:54 pm (UTC)
(to the tune of "Tomorrow")
RAWLS
You're such a cheap prick, McNulty!
Can not stand the sight of you, McNulty!
Why don't you die?

You fuck up my life, McNulty!
Talking to Burrell just makes me sulky.
Wanna know why?

MCNULTY (speaking)
I don't know what ...

RAWLS (singing over him)
'Cause you talked to that judge!
'Bout A-
-von Barksdale!
And re-opened these fi-i-les!
Don't smi-i-le!
These fi-i-les!

MCNULTY (speaking)
Look, I can explain ...

RAWLS
I'm shipping you out, McNulty!
You'll be on this new task force, McNulty,
With a thumb up your ass!

And let me be clear, McNulty!
The next time Burrell should say, 'McNulty'
I'll fuck you with glass!

MCNULTY (speaking)
Oh, c'mon ...

RAWLS
Don't you open your ly-
-ing I-
-rish piehole!
Or I'll fill it with shit!
With shit!
With shi-i-i-t!

(crescendo)

McNulty! McNulty!
I hate you! McNulty!
I'll fuck you, if it takes ten years!
McNulty! McNulty!
You ratfuck, McNulty!
I'll fuck you, right in the ears!
perich
Jan. 13th, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
(to the tune of "America" from West Side Story)
CARVER
I like my time in West Baltimore
Cleaning up crime in West Baltimore
Wiping off grime in West Baltimore

HERC
Trying to rhyme in West Baltimore.

CARVER
Lots of drug dealers to take out!

HERC
We piss in bottles on stake outs.

CARVER
Daniels and Greggs do the job right!

HERC
I'm still in debt from that hot mic.

CARVER
We could get paid in West Baltimore.
We could make grade in West Baltimore.
We've got it made in West Baltimore.

HERC
I can't get laid in West Baltimore.

CARVER
We get the dope from our C.I.s.

HERC
Sure, if we pay them for cheap highs.

CARVER
I could make Sarge if I learn fast.

HERC
Just keep your nose up Burrell's ass!

CARVER
We could make friends in West Baltimore.

HERC
I get the bends from West Baltimore.

CARVER
We'll make amends in West Baltimore.

HERC
War never ends in West Baltimore!

HERC AND CARVER
La-la-la, la-la, West Baltimore!
La-la-la, la-la, West Baltimore!
La-la-la, la-la, West Baltimore!
La-la-la, la-la, West Baltimore!
ludickid
Jan. 13th, 2009 05:27 pm (UTC)
Re: (to the tune of "America" from West Side Story)
I...we...

You, sir, are a genius.
perich
Jan. 13th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
Re: (to the tune of "America" from West Side Story)
Praise from Caesar!
ludickid
Jan. 13th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
(to the tune of "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof)
The game, the game! It’s all in…
The game, the game! It’s all in…the game!

(STRINGER & AVON)
Who, every day, must handle every re-up,
Worry ‘bout the po-po, keep our records clean?
And who rolls around in Lincoln Navigators,
Running a well-oiled machine?

The kingpin, the kingpin! The kingpin!
The kingpin, the kingpin! It’s all in…the game!

(WEE-BAY & SLIM CHARLES)
Who must know the way to beat a lyin’ bitch,
A punk-ass hood, a chickenhead?
Who must ferret out and murder every snitch
And fill some niggas up with lead?

The muscle, the muscle! The muscle!
The muscle, the muscle! It’s all in…the game!

(DONUT & KENNARD)
At six I got my corner named; at ten I learned to shoot
I hope I get a bump real soon; this job is shitty.

The runner, the runner! The runner!
The runner, the runner! It’s all in…the game!

(WALLACE & NAMOND)
And who makes sure that no one can lighten up the take?
And who will get a beatdown for each mistake they make?

The counter, the counter! The counter!
The counter, the counter! It’s all in…the game!
picodulce
Jan. 13th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
sheeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
wow on the lyrics, y'all.
krinndnz
Jan. 14th, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
Shuh-dayum. The "touring stage company TV concept" had a seed of awesome, and then the songs were astonishing. Are you the sort of person that I should sic metaquotes on?
( 10 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )

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flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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