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ANNUAL I AM YOUR PUPPET POLL

Yes, it's October, and that means the annual Halloween party I attend is only a few weeks away. And, as usual, I look to you, bunch of people on the computer, to guide my way.

Once again, the requirements are that the costume doesn't cost a lot of money, but is unique and somewhat clever; that it is suitable for an old fat guy; and that it contains more referential weight than a store-bought Gandalf costume. Here are the ups and downs of each option:

IGNATIUS J. REILLY (from John Kennedy Toole's novel A Confederacy of Dunces)
GEAR NEEDED: floppy hat, false moustache, lumber jacket, cardboard cutlass, overactive pyloric valve
ADVANTAGES: easily accomplished, hilarious, possibly recognizable, gives opportunity to speak in overwrought pseudo-medieval argot all night
DRAWBACKS: possibly not recognizable, likely a tad too predictable for a self-loathing fat man

BENNY PROFANE (from Thomas Pynchon's novel V.)
GEAR NEEDED: cowboy hat, black jeans, cowboy boots, drinking problem, low self-esteem
ADVANTAGES: I already have all those things
DRAWBACKS: not recognizable, character is rather younger than me, boring

PIGGY (from William Golding's novel Lord of the Flies)
GEAR NEEDED: Coke-bottle glasses, British schoolboy outfit, ass-mar inhaler
ADVANTAGES: possibly recognizable, easily converted into Angus Young costume
DRAWBACKS: character is 30 years younger than me, sight of me in British schoolboy outfit likely to trigger epidemic of vomiting and uncomfortable looks

GREGOR SAMSA (from Franz Kafka's story The Metamorphosis)
GEAR NEEDED: giant cockroach outfit
ADVANTAGES: role would require simply donning giant cockroach outfit and avoiding human contact
DRAWBACKS: much like my normal life except with expensive giant cockroach outfit, homemade cockroach outfit would be very expensive and time-consuming, store-bought cockroach outfit would be very expensive and cheesy

BIG BROTHER (from George Orwell's novel Nineteen Eighty-Four)
GEAR NEEDED: false mustache, military uniform, glowering expression, fake TV screen to stand behind
ADVANTAGES: easily accomplished, recognizable, would give me the opportunity to have people arrested for treason
DRAWBACKS: unnervingly similar to dressing up like Hitler or Stalin

CHARLES FOSTER KANE (from Orson Welles' film Citizen Kane)
GEAR NEEDED: false mustache, smoking jacket, patrician demeanor, cigarette holder, billions of dollars
ADVANTAGES: easily accomplished, possibly recognizable, possibility dancing girls will sing a song in praise of me
DRAWBACKS: a tad grandiose

KASPAR GUTMAN (from Daishell Hammett's novel The Maltese Falcon)
GEAR NEEDED: all-white suit, bald pate, cane, sadistic homosexual henchman
ADVANTAGES: easily accomplished, recognizable, entertaining, chance to match wits with drunk guy dressed as Bogart
DRAWBACKS: possibly addictive

MR. SOPHISTICATION (from John Cassavetes' film The Killing of a Chinese Bookie)
GEAR NEEDED: false mustache, extremely garish tuxedo, microphone, severely creepy banter
ADVANTAGES: inspired, simple
DRAWBACKS: unsettling, absolutely the most pointlessly obscure costume in history of mankind

JAKE LAMOTTA (from Martin Scorsese's film Raging Bull)
GEAR NEEDED: sweaty tux, big cigar, hot blonde to verbally berate
ADVANTAGES: easy, involves hot blonde
DRAWBACKS: really not so much a costume as just a suit, involves repeatedly bashing bare forehead against concrete wall

"JOLIET" JAKE BLUES (from John Landis' film The Blues Brothers)
GEAR NEEDED: bad suit, cheap shades, hat, cigarettes, bullwhip, skinny dude dressed just the same
ADVANTAGES: easy, would allow me to sing "Rawhide" at party
DRAWBACKS: incredibly cliche

So:

Poll #1465031 Fappy Falloween

As whom should I appear this Halloween?

Kaspar Gutman from "The Maltese Falcon"
12(22.2%)
Jake Blues from "The Blues Brothers"
4(7.4%)
Mr. Sophistication from "The Killing of a Chinese Bookie"
2(3.7%)
Ignatius J. Reilly from "A Confederacy of Dunces"
9(16.7%)
Benny Profane from "V."
0(0.0%)
Piggy from "Lord of the Flies"
6(11.1%)
Gregor Samsa from "The Metamorphosis"
2(3.7%)
Big Brother from "Nineteen Eighty-Four"
10(18.5%)
Charles Foster Kane from "Citizen Kane"
7(13.0%)
Jake LaMotta from "Raging Bull"
2(3.7%)

Comments

( 18 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )
(Anonymous)
Oct. 1st, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
From a dumb-ass that couldn't figure out how to vote
Big Brother all the way! You can even have a bottle of Victory Gin.
fengi
Oct. 1st, 2009 05:23 pm (UTC)
I'm advocating Kane, but only if you wear a campaign button or carry a poster.
happinesstogo
Oct. 1st, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
What's with all this "false mustache" talk? Don't you have time to grow a mustache between now and then?
ludickid
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:04 pm (UTC)
Actually, I already have a mustache.
happinesstogo
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:11 pm (UTC)
Well then that should make any of the mustache options that much easier!
dreamweasel
Oct. 1st, 2009 05:27 pm (UTC)
> DRAWBACKS: incredibly cliche

"But I meant it IRONICALLY!"
brandiweed
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
How about another option?

DOCTOR GONZO (from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)
GEAR NEEDED: Hawaiian shirt, shoulder-length wig, mustache, suspicious paraphernalia
ADVANTAGES: not too hard, excuse to act like complete fucking lunatic
DISADVANTAGES: arrest potential depending on suspiciousness of paraphernalia.
ludickid
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:04 pm (UTC)
I did that last year.
brandiweed
Oct. 1st, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)
Oh! Forgive my bad memory.
rjwhite
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:05 pm (UTC)
SIDNEY GREENSTREET! SIDNEY GREENSTREET!
faeryhead
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:37 pm (UTC)
I wanted to vote for a bunch of them!!! CFK is fun, Sidney Greenstreet may have been my favorite idea, but I voted for Piggy because the parts of the costume might be easiest to get and I want you to carry around a shell all night.
superdaintykate
Oct. 1st, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
I am wondering if L's knees have seen the light of day in the last ten years.
tennboy
Oct. 1st, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC)
What kind of party are you going to that most of these costumes are even "possibly recognizable"?
yuriverse
Oct. 1st, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
I'm with the Gutman contingent, but then you already know anything related to a Bogie movie, I'm all for. And besides, if you go with the classic Sydney Greenstreet interpretation, you get to do that fantastic laugh all night.

... and now I need to find a Green Street in my new town, dress like Gutman myself (or maybe Senor Ferrari) and stand under the street sign. I'D BE SYDNEY'S GREEN STREET! GET IT? GET IT???
... *cough* ... I'll just stand over here quietly, then.
also_huey
Oct. 1st, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
I was thinking Senor Ferrari as well.
pr1ss
Oct. 1st, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
Rush Limburger
GEAR NEEDED: Talent on loan from God, wedge of cheese.
merzbunny
Oct. 2nd, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
Gutman/Greenstreet all the way, though you really do need a Peter Lorre or reasonable facsimile thereof to complete the ensemble.
crepedelbebe
Oct. 6th, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)
DRAWBACKS: a tad grandiose

This is a DRAWBACK?
( 18 SHOTS LICKED — LICK A SHOT )