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JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

Goodness knows we live in a complicated world, and, as a simple crafter of internet distractions, I cannot be expected to keep up with the many-hued issues of the day. But that is why we have elected officials, to explain them to us in terms we can understand. And lucky for me, I live in Texas, where the state's representatives are extra-helpful in this regard.

Naturally, like all Americans, I am super-concerned with this vital and not at all completely made-up issue of terrorist babies, and because I am not some kind of America-hating cynic, I do not believe even a little bit that it is part of a stealth campaign by the Republican party to erode confidence in the 14th Amendment in order to prevent the proliferation of brown people.

My only concern is, are we going far enough? Sure, with diligence and a determination not to let ourselves be distracted by all those people who are laughing at us, we could defuse the threat of terror infants. But what of terror toddlers, who snuck through our porous borders with their evil faces covered by a puffy vinyl Baby Einstein book about things with wheels? They are just the right size to have a three-foot replica of themselves sculpted out of gelignite. What about terror children, inserting the words "wudhu" and "dhimmi" into their nursery rhymes and Dr. Seuss books? Could there be a wave of terror adolescents roaming the country, their rage fueled by hormonal confusion and hatred of Zionism? And I dare not even contemplate how many terror teens there must be in America, with their haircuts and fancy jeans, and their music that is just noise, smoking cigarettes in parking lots and making fun of their elders. As Reps. Riddle and Gohmert make clear, just because there's no evidence it's happening doesn't mean we shouldn't be totally freaked out about it.

Comments

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beyondthesunset
Aug. 16th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC)
"...just because there's no evidence it's happening doesn't mean we shouldn't be totally freaked out about it."

Oh, my goodness, you've completely encapsulated the religious/political right's political strategy right there, in one concise and alarming statement.
beyondthesunset
Aug. 16th, 2010 01:04 am (UTC)
By they way, Neil sent me.
beyondthesunset
Aug. 16th, 2010 01:05 am (UTC)
Also, arrgh, typo, sorry!
adam_0oo
Aug. 16th, 2010 02:55 am (UTC)
As a child of immigrants, I enjoy "anchor"ing the country in what I assume is some kind of Atlantis backed terror campaign on the surface world.
purgatorius
Aug. 16th, 2010 09:56 pm (UTC)
Waitasecond... my grandfather was a child of immigrants! This must mean ol' grampa was a sleeper agent, all through the Great Depression, all through his Navy service in WWII... NOOOOOOO
eyelid
Aug. 16th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
Are you scared enough to vote Republican yet??? That's the only thing that can protect you from the Terror Babies.
bassman42
Aug. 17th, 2010 12:39 am (UTC)
Go Texas pols! Forget facts, forget truth, remember the Terror Babies Plot! You do realize that in most places on earth this would just be laughed away, right? Part of the reason I now live in Canada and not Texas...the first 30 years of my life contained a lot of the aforementioned crapola, and now I just have to deal with the Conservative party, who may be idiots but at least must concern themselves with the factual every now and then.
cleotyne
Aug. 17th, 2010 02:15 am (UTC)
I couldn't make it all the way through the clip but I also couldn't stop laughing, so thank you Mr. Pierce.
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ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
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Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

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