?

Log in

No account? Create an account

JUMP BACK | BE FORWARD

A Personal Matter

ATHLETIC, EXCITING SWM, fit, 5’10″, professional, intelligent, caring, well off, 35 and full of love. Seeking attractive SF 25-40 who likes sophisticated fun and active entertainment. Likes: hiking, running, road trips, quiet dinners, Scotch tastings, new nightclubs, spontaneity, romantic cruises. Dislikes: hot weather, getting up early, taxes, cheap beer, getting lost, and being alone. Box 30816.

ATTRACTIVE, SECURE SWM, in good shape, tall and handsome. I haven’t got any responses to my last ad, which is sort of shocking, because I thought it was pretty good. I’ve got a lot to offer, and a lot of love to give. I like all kinds of things, from boating to walking along the beach to watching TV with a special lady. These ads cost money. Not that I’m, you know, desperate for money or anything, but still. I took a class and everything. Box 30816.

IT CAN’T BE JUST ME, can it? Let me know! My friend Jerry says women like that, when you ask them questions. I don’t meet a lot of women, so I don’t know. Not that I’m queer, I mean gay, or weird or anything. I’m just really busy at work, where I make a lot of money. Not that I wouldn’t have time for you. I would. My point is, I think my first ad was fine. If you have an old copy, go read it, or click here and listen to me reading it. I have a good voice, don’t you think? Box 30816.

OKAY, IT’S BEEN A MONTH NOW, and this is starting to piss me off. I know these ads are going up. I see them right there on the screen. What are you, all blind or something? I’m still young. I make a shitload of money. I like rollerblading and giving flowers and going to chick movies and all that crap. I’m good looking. Seriously. I’m not some freak or something. I’m in good shape. I didn’t list my weight because the lady in the class told me you weren’t supposed to do that, but I’m not fat. I weigh 185. There, are you happy now? I’m a total fucking catch. E-mail me! Box 30816.

DID I COME ON TOO STRONG? I came on too strong, I can tell. I’m sorry. I yelled and I was mean and I’m sorry. I don’t really act like that most of the time. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t mean to make a big thing about money, and, look if you like hot weather and cheap beer, that’s fine. I’m easygoing. It doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. And I didn’t mean anything sexual by that “sophisticated fun” thing, I meant like plays and stuff. Is it the Scotch-tasting thing? They’re totally normal, like wine tastings. I’m not an alcoholic. If you don’t like my ad, I can change. I swear. I can write a better ad. Please. Box 30816.

I GUESS I’LL JUST DIE ALONE AND UNLOVED. And that’s fine. I’ve come to terms with it. I just have to move on. I’ll just go home now to my Lincoln Park condominium, which I’m not bragging about, I’m just saying it as a matter of fact, and sit there alone, and learn to live with the fact that no one will ever respond to my ads. I’m not sorry I placed them, not anymore. It’s all part of the process of growing and healing. I can be happy again. I can. My sister says she knows someone. Box 30816.

Mirrored from LEONARD PIERCE DOT COM.

Profile

flavored with age
ludickid
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator
Ludic Log

PROPRIETOR

Leonard Pierce is a freelance writer wandering around Texas with no sleep or sense of direction. If you give him money he will write something for you. If you are nice to him he may come to your house and get drunk.

Latest Month

December 2016
S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow