Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator (ludickid) wrote,
Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator

The back of the card



Born: August 7, 1969
Home: Chicago, Ill.

Ht.: 6'3"
Wgt.: 643
Bats: Right
Throws: Left
Blows: Yes


Signed multi-year contract for league minimum with the Ludic Syndicate prior to the 1995 season after playing out his options with the Higher Educationists ... was disappointed with his production last year, but led the team in stolen mp3s and supplied good defense of the indefensible ... rumored to be dating, or at least masturbating over, popular singer Christina Aguilera ... this year, became the first person in literary history to rewrite Dante's Inferno from David Mamet's perspective ... led the league in excuses in 1999 and also led the league in weight gain that year ... Leonard received a Master's Degree in Art History from a guy he beat up behind Martyr's on New Years' Eve 1998 ... the team's #1 left-handed pinch napper ... ranked 4th in the league among designated sleepers in 2000 when he snoozed through an entire Twilight Zone marathon ... was 2nd on the team in overall sucking in 2000, just behind Vincent Gallo ... labored 10 years in the minors and considered quitting literature in 1994 when he was working as a three-card-monte shill in Grant Park when the LS picked up his contract on a straight waiver sale ... rumors circulated last year that he would be traded to the Janitorial Staff for Larry Hama, a photostat of a hummmingbird, and cash, but nothing ever came of it.
Tags: junk, laffs, sports

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