Yesterday, we were out doing some post-holiday Christmas shopping, and my roommate was buying stuff at Pier One, so I wandered next door to the Barnes & Noble to see what's going on in my beloved world of literature. Naturally, after I finished vomiting in the political & current events section and cackling evilly at the "Chicago Cubs' magical season!" books, I wandered over to the "chick-lit" table, with the same instinct that makes people pick at scabs and look at car wrecks.
Out of sheer perversity and self-loathing, I picked up something with (of course) a hot pink cover called, possibly, "The Bad Girl's Guide to Life", fully expecting it to be chock full of safe yuppie bad-girl advice rather than actual bad-girl advice (such as, say, "steal your mom's stereo to pay for heroin" or "before you stab your sister, fuck her boyfriend, so he'll get blamed for it" or "hang around in the basement laundry room chain-smoking Kools and wearing a wifebeater, and when people put their clothes in the dryer, go through them and see if they left any money in the pockets").
So, anyway, I opened a page at random, and it was a suggestion on how to make a big splash at parties:
Get two girlfriends to come along with you, and when you enter the room, strike a 'Charlie's Angels' pose.
Isn't that original? Won't people think you're daring and sassy and totally bad-girly? How great is it that here we are at the end of 2003, and no one has ever thought of that before this book came out?!?
I am so going to right a "Bad Boy's Guide to Life", and tell dudes that they can make a total hit at parties by acting like Austin Powers. "Oh, behave!"