February 26th, 2003

flavored with age

Try to remember the kind of dismember

Does anyone remember a Twix commercial from, perhaps, the early to mid-'80s, featuring a group of teen archetypes sitting around 'hanging out', as teens are wont to do in commercials, and at the end, this preppy guy says:

"I'm gonna go to college and major in TWIX!"

And everybody laughs, just as if he's said something funny?

If you remember this, or better yet if you are some kind of Googling genius and can cough up some references to it online, I will be forever in your debt and will buy you liquor. It's in aid of an idea for a piece about projects that were obviously lame and awful from their very conception but got done anyway. You're the best.
flavored with age

Hello, my name is Dr. Greenthumb

"Bill, we need a big project for Justice. The press is coming down hard on us. The PEOPLE are coming down hard on us."

"I know, Mr. Ashcroft."

"We look soft. We can't afford to look soft. These are crisis times, Bill."

"I realize that. It's a problem of perception."

"Exactly. I mean, you know how hard we work."

"We're doing our damnedest, every day, Mr. Ashcroft."

"Language, Bill. I know you are. But they don't know that, out there. They look at the fact that we haven't made any major terror arrests...I mean, the GERMANS look more proactive, for goodness' sake."

"I know. It's about headlines."

"And we haven't been getting any. So let's hear some ideas."

"Well...child pornography always gets a lot of column-inches."

"It's not durable enough, Bill. It hasn't got any legs. The Brits love it because they're a salacious bunch but it doesn't carry over here."

"How about prostitution, or vice, or dirty movies?"

"Bill, you know I want to. But the press is already raking me over the coals over the whole statue of Justice thing. They don't know what it's like, to have her taunting and tempting me every day with her...with that THING of hers."

"I know, Mr. Ashcroft. Calm down, sir. What about the whole corporate crime situation? A crackdown there would be timely."

"Now you're just being ridiculous, Bill. No, what we need is to do something big, flashy. Something that we can justify a months-long investigation with lots of financial expenditures over. Something truly menacing, that will deflect criticism of our handling of the terror war. Something that will prop up our subsidiary agencies. Something that will focus the nation's attention on an issue so terrifying, so dangerous, so menacing to the American people that they'll stand behind us all the way."

"What did you have in mind, sir? Child abduction? Spousal abuse? Handgun death? Grand theft auto? Credit fraud?"

"Bongs. Definitely bongs."
flavored with age

Here's to good friends, tonight is kinda special

So, last night, I went to Four Moons and spent an evening eating and drinking and talking with three women who it would be accurate, albeit trite, to describe as lovely and talented. And I got to watch a rambunctious kid play pool, and I got to hear ridiculous lit-scene gossip, and because they know me at Four Moons, we all got a free round of some good beer.

Now, I'm no goodtimeologist, but I call that several kinds of a good time. Shout out to Zulkey, Lisa Leone and Annie L.
flavored with age

And now, back to being a total geek

Last week, I was rereading "The Watchmen". Why? Because I chanced to read Sam Hamm's unproduced screenplay of same, and it was so completely godawful that I had to scrub the residue of it out of my brain by going to the source.

It's still pretty clearly the best superhero comic ever, but I noticed that some of the text-pieces that ended each issue didn't seem to have aged well, and one thing that particularly stood out was the crypto-'Rolling Stone' interview with Adrian Viedt. The thing that really bugged me is where he talked about liking electronic music and dub. I mean, sure, obviously that's just what Alan Moore was listening to at the time, and sure, every writer makes at least one character a mouthpiece for their current cultural obsessions on occasion. I myself stick a Jandek gag on the VERY FIRST PAGE of the comic I'm working on right now. I would be ashamed of this if the comic ever had a chance in hell of being published, but luckily, it doesn't. But his lines are something like "that's really super-heroey music to listen to, isn't it?" Er, no. I mean, farbeit from me to gainsay * ALAN MOORE *, but I just don't think superheroes are listening to a lot of Robert Fripp and Lee Perry.

Anyway, because I'm easily amused and get gopped up a lot, this got me to thinking: what DO superheroes listen to? What's in the CD changer in the trunk of Bruce Wayne's Lambourghini? What does Peter Parker listen to when he's at home? What's in heavy rotation in the Diana Prince household? What does Bruce Banner listen to, and what does the Hulk listen to?

Your answers are hereby solicited: what's on the Justice League playlist? What do the Avengers tell Jarvis to "crank"?