A schediastic hootenanny

Two names I came across in the course of reading "The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich":

- Friedrich von Bodelschwing

- Lion Feuchtwanger

BEST NAMES EVER.

As you may know, my website (warning: today's entry is in crappy Systran-abetted German) has, since it inception, contained a Quote of the Day. It's usually some quote from a novel, an essay, or a quotebook that I have found interesting or worthwhile. It's occasionally strayed -- past QOTDs have been lame lines from comic books, bizarre Bible quotes, etc. -- but generally, that's the formula it follows. I have balanced the fact that I think Quote of the Day is kind of a lame thing to do with the fact that I really do like a lot of the quotes, and additionally, at least one of my six readers seems to enjoy the feature.

There's only one problem: I'm almost out of quotes. When I started the Ludic Log, I had about 400 of them in a big text file, and each day, I'd put up a new one and delete it from the text file. Well, today, that file is one page long. I will quite soon -- say, within two weeks -- run out of quotes, and I don't really want to comb through dozens of books finding new ones. I'd prefer to just collect them as I go along, the way I had done when I first started doing it over ten years ago.

So, I ask you, my adoring public: won't you take this poll, and help me decide what to do when I run out of quotes? Jesus loves you for helping me.

Saturday, a gaggle of my friends and I are heading to downtown Chicago for the St. Patrick's Day parade, or, as Mr. Steve Delahoyde calls it, "the celebration of my culture's drinking problem". To commemorate the driving of the serpents from Ireland's shores, we will get insanely plastered and hoot at the '200 Years of Plumbing Fixture Engineers' float.

Now, I've gone to the parade every years since I've moved to Chicago. There's two things I never miss: the St. Patrick's Day parade and White Sox opening day. The great tradition of getting wasted, cheering the IRA, freezing our asses off, desperately trying to find a bathroom, and stumbling around in an alcoholic haze until we can eat something will not be interrupted; if I can't polish off an entire Thermos full of Irish coffee before the Trinity Dance School comes by, the terrorists will have won.

I am slightly trepidatious this year, though, because I'll be bringing the Trav-L-Bar. This dandy little vintage item is made for a freewheeling drunk like me: it can hold three bottles of liquor, a party worth of glasses, and all sorts of other boozehound accoutrements. However, it also looks like the sort of thing you might put a decent-sized bomb in, and I am slightly worried that the police will take it, and possibly me, away.

Now, this is probably just paranoiac vaporing on my part. I brought the Trav-L-Bar to the parade LAST year -- only 6 months after 9/11, with law enforcement hysteria at something of a peak -- and no one gave me any hassle. And that was with George W. Bush "marching" in the parade. Still, having recently discovered that the Executive Office of the President reads my website, I am feeling a little delicate.

The only real question is, what to stock in the Trav-L-Bar? Irish whiskey is a given, of course. Possibly Bailey's or Dooleys could be bottle #2. But what should be my bench liquor? Cask & Cream? Frangelico? Cinnamon schnapps? More whiskey? Brandy? The choices I must make, my friends. Do not envy the weight I carry: it is all for you, all for love.

What kind of man reads the Ludic Log, anyway? There are three kinds, as made clear from search engine referrals that have led to my website in the last week.

STUDENTS RESEARCHING HAMLET:

"who said this quote in Hamlet ‘What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason!’"
"Hamlet ‘for there is nothing either good nor bad…’"
"for there is nothing either good nor bad" (twice)
"there is nothing either good nor bad"
"O god, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space"

MASTURBATORS:

"old gay fuck old man"
"friend fuck sister"
"I love to fuck"
"sister fuck"
"FUCK YOU"
"gamahuche"
"sex shots without singing up"
"funny fuck"
"old man fuck young man"
"shit fuck"
"fuck friends"
"piss shots"
"gay love shots"
"fuck man"
"love to fuck"
"fuck source"

PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES:

"economics of war"

All of which is well and good. I'll take all the readers I can get. My only question is...'sex shots without singing up'?!?

It occurs to me that what the anonymous masturbator referred to im my previous post actually meant was "sex shots without SIGNING up". But I prefer to think he was looking for some porn that didn't have all that annoying Alpine yodeling in it.