Thanks, Asan Akbar, for giving the racists and paranoiacs a big fat piece of ammunition to justify the ludicrous call for internment of Muslims!
Thanks, neo-conservatives, for instantly picking that piece of ammunition and running with it!
Thanks, Richard Perle and the rest of the imperialist maniacs at the AEI, for drafting plans for the wholesale occupation of the middle east, ensuring that if every Arab in the world didn't mistrust and dislike America before, they sure will now!
Thanks, Iraq, for acting like the brutal dictatorship you've been all along, and feeding our government a little more propaganda fodder, like they need it!
Thanks, Donald Rumsfeld, for suddenly giving a shit about the Geneva Convention when it's our boys in trouble, after several months of not giving a fuck about all those guys in Guantanamo!
By the way, have you ever noticed that no one ever suggests that the enemies of freedom be locked in concentration camps if they happen to be of European stock?
There were no (serious) cries for the internment of German-Americans during World War I, or Italian-Americans during WWII, or Russian-Americans during the Cold War. We don't even want to lock up the Franco-Americans now, because they make such great Spaghetti-O's.
No, we save suggestions of mass detention for the dark people. And thanks to the DC snipers and this latest fragging incident (funny how fragging was almost commonplace in Vietnam, but there was no suggestion of locking up all white guys just because it was mostly whites who did it), the wingnuts have a new reason to hate blacks AND Muslims. Like they really needed one.
I didn't watch the Oscars last night; I was busy writing and just didn't feel up to it. However, I will graciously list the reasons I am not a professional prognosticator:
1. I predicted that "Bowling for Columbine" would not win Best Documentary because the Academy wouldn't want to risk the sort of speechifying which in fact took place
2. I predicted that Eminem would not win Best Song because the Academy hates Eminem and wouldn't want to sully their "image" by acknowledging him
3. I predicted that "Adaptation" would win Best Screenplay because that's the award they always give to the best movie that doesn't win anything else
4. I predicted that Rob Marshall would win Best Director for "Chicago" because the Academy wouldn't want to mess around with Polanski
5. I predicted that Adrien Brody would win Best Actor and when he accepted the award he would make out with the presenter for like half an hour, but I thought it would be Julia Roberts, not Halle Berry
Speaking of the creeps in the Bush Administration:
Our glorious maximum leader, Neal Pollack, has commanded that Tuesday, April 1, 2003 shall be MAKE FUN OF DICK AND LYNNE CHENEY DAY, in protest against the Cheneys' hamhanded attempts to exempt themselves as public figures from satire and use legal intimidation to spook the good people at whitehouse.org. If you have a LiveJournal, a log, a website, or if you happen to run a daily newspaper or radio/television program, please take the opportunity of April Fools' Day to mock the Vice-President and his ridiculous wife.
This is not a joke! Well, I guess actually it is, but do it anyway. As to the rumors that I am both Neal Pollack and Dave Eggers, I can neither confirm nor deny them.
theludickid: I'm struggling for an angle on Make Fun of the Cheneys Day.
CLCGamma: you should just go old school. make fun of how fat and ugly his wife is
theludickid: Yeah, maybe I can just pull snaps on her.
theludickid: Lynne Cheney be so fat when she go to the butcher shop, he pull out his carving board.
theludickid: Poland admits it has combat role in Iraq
CLCGamma: sigh. so many jokes
CLCGamma: we just shot a bus
CLCGamma: it was a syrian bus
CLCGamma: it was an accident.
theludickid: Oop, there's the story
theludickid: 5 dead
CLCGamma: it was an ACCIDENT
CLCGamma: GET OFF MY BACK
CLCGamma: it LOOKED like a school bus full of nuns
CLCGamma: it's just that occasionally we fire them at boy scout troops
theludickid: PRECISION GUIDED MISSILES
CLCGamma: they very precisely parted the sash and vest, though.
theludickid: I love how Rummy and his posse keep trotting out the line about how they're taking exceptional care to spare civilian lives.
theludickid: "Not so much care that we would actually stop bombing their cities," Rumsfeld said, "but still."
CLCGamma: we are being extremely careful that the rubble only falls on hussein's men.
theludickid: Right. It's precision-guided rubble.
CLCGamma: they should do: Spotlight: Coalition! where they feature a member of our growing Coalition of the Willing and their eleven troops
CLCGamma: "This is Mahir. He can't wait to kill a few Kurds."
theludickid: "I KILL YOU!"
CLCGamma: hee hee
CLCGamma: the kurdish womenfolk can come stay with him.
theludickid: "This is Wieslaw. Technically the Poles aren't supposed to be here. Shhhh! Don't tell anyone."
theludickid: "That's Bruce, who thought he was signing up for a rugger scrum...and there's Adil, who thought maybe the Iraqis would have some food he could eat."
CLCGamma: "He's like the Rambo of Uzbekistan."
theludickid: "Ve getting to vin zis time, da?"
CLCGamma: he wasn't allowed to win the war in chechnya, so he'll fight this... his way
theludickid: It cracks me up that Afghanistan is part of the Coalition of the Willing.
CLCGamma: those guys like to fight, man
theludickid: "Well, I figured, anything would be better than STAYING IN FUCKING AFGHANISTAN"
theludickid: "Plus, if the American planes are bombing Baghdad, that means they're not bombing my village."
CLCGamma: "I'm really looking for a chance to expand my skills and learning to kill Sunnis."
CLCGamma: i love that people are getting on michael moore for not supporting our troops, too
CLCGamma: because you just know the entire third division was going, "Shit, I hope the maker of 'Roger and Me' is behind us."
CLCGamma: "Are there any left-wing fat guys in our corner? What's Tom Shales think?"
theludickid: My dad deserted his post in Korea when he found out I.F. Stone was against the war.
CLCGamma: i remember how deeply "Harvest of Shame" changed his view of the infantry's role.
theludickid: Who do you think would have been booed more: Moore, Polanski if he'd showed, or Eminem if he'd showed?
CLCGamma: the audience whooped for roman
CLCGamma: and they love jack nicholson, who provided the hot tub and little girl to rape.
theludickid: Yeah, but if he'd been there, he might have tried to attack Natalie Portman on the way up to the dais.
CLCGamma: i think there's a reason Anna Paquin turned down a role in "The Pianist."
CLCGamma: political, actually. she didn't think it was fair to the holocaust.
CLCGamma: damn it, roman, the cattle cars ran on time
theludickid: Schwarzenegger was supposed to consult on that movie, but he had scheduling conflicts.
CLCGamma: i can't wait until he gets his good-stormtrooper movie made
theludickid: At last his father will have peace.
theludickid: It can play on a double bill with "The Day the Clown Cried".
CLCGamma: i think robin williams is already in negotiation for the rights
CLCGamma: patch adamstein
theludickid: Schwarzenegger has a good Nazi role in him, though he's getting too old now.
theludickid: He'd make a terrific Ernst Rohm, but he'd probably beef about the homo angle.
CLCGamma: i totally just want to see the trailer for it
CLCGamma: "In a world gone mad with Jewish corruption and Communist infiltration..."
CLCGamma: "One man..."
theludickid: "They pushed him far. Then farther. Then really, really, really far. But they finally pushed him...TOO FAR."
theludickid: "Schwarzenegger IS: 'The Good Nazi'. He's not just following orders anymore."