March 25th, 2003

flavored with age

Real quote

"The victor will not be asked afterward if he told the truth or not. In starting and waging a war it is not right that matters, but victory."

(Adolf Hitler, August 24, 1939)
flavored with age

Fake quotes

"I don't know about you, but to me there's nothing finer than a big fat cock." (Samuel Beckett)

"In the life of great nations, there inevitably comes a moment when you have to suck 'caine from between a hooker's toes." (Theodore Roosevelt)

"It is the great strength of the scientific method that it can tell us, without resort to moral confusion, that although Superman can fly faster than the Flash, the Flash runs faster." (Nils Bohr)

"I swear to Christ, if I hear that 'I'm gonna follow the sun' song one more fucking time, I'm gonna climb up into a tower and shoot a bunch of people." (Charles Whitman)

"More people die every year from eating meat than from every war in the history of the world combined. I don't have anything to back that up, but it just sounds right, don't you think?" (Jewel Kilcher)

"You think it's easy to strangle a guy until you actually try it. I mean, some people have really powerful neck muscles." (Mother Theresa)

"The course of human progress has rarely been straight nor smooth. Much like my wang." (Albert Camus)

"It is my curse as a statesman and a public figure that I will forever be remembered for those short-sighted words, 'peace in our time'. And of course the great irony is that I never said them. What I really said was 'pee on me'." (Neville Chamberlain)

"You may dam our rivers, you may wreck our cities, you may kill our children, you may destroy our roads, you may smash our weapons. But please don't take my pet monkey Go-Go." (Saddam Hussein)

"At this job, I see a lot of fat losers. But of all the fat losers I see over the course of a work week, none has more talent, more intelligence, more raw sexual power than Leonard Pierce." (Comic Book Shop Girl)
flavored with age

Feelin' old

Yesterday, I was walking home from work. It was a beautiful day (we're having a false spring right now in Chic, with a huge rainstorm quick on its heels), perfect to make the walk. Of course, my head was buried in a book, but I was still appreciating the weather on a certain level.

My walk takes me past a huge Catholic high school, so I often share the trip with teenagers coming from or going to class, and as I walked, I heard a voice behind me.

"Sperm."

"Vagina."

"Reproduction."

I figured, given the squeaky voices, it was some dim-bulb adolescents trying to be shocking, so I kept reading.

"Semen."

"Penis."

"EGG."

Then they walked past me (I tend to take my time, since I'm reading, and it was, after all, a beautiful day -- even the elote carts were out), and they were like NINE YEARS OLD. And they were studying a sex ed test or something.

I'm sure there's a lesson in this somewhere, but I don't know what it is.