April 2nd, 2003

flavored with age

I am stealing your onions

Chatroom posters argue over who brought up Hitler first

Rumsfeld patiently explains why everyone else is wrong

Local Marxist aids the proletariat by working half-shift at leftist bookstore

U.S. Marine sure hopes those nine-year-olds were in al-Q'aeda

America's sweetheart needs someone to clean up her vomit

Opening of shopping mall by Willie Ames apparently supposed to impress someone

Third donut rationalized

Man tries to think of subtle way to introduce ass-fucking to dinner conversation

Florist sick of coming home every night stinking of lilacs

Local activist insists on senior citizen's right to get the fuck out of the way

Area man also interested in pornology, pornocracy, porniatrics

Customer tells convenience store clerk Sikhs, Muslims "same thing"