US Magazine promises me the whole tragic story of why Jennifer Garner and Scott Foley broke up. Unfortunately, I have no idea who either of those people are, so I don't buy the magazine.
Weekly World News has the best cover ever: over a headline "BAT BOY FIGHTS IN IRAQ!", we have a brilliant, incompetent PhotoShop job of the vampiric freak of nature in question biting Saddam Hussein on the neck and converting him into some sort of bug-eyed zombie man. I don't buy this one either, because I figure the picture will show up online at some point, but I'm sorely tempted.
Maxim continues its multi-year investigative report about what attractive young women in bras look like. I almost buy this one, but then I remember that Maxim sucks dick.
- birthday present for a friend
There you have it, folks: without question the dullest LiveJournal entry ever.
That last entry was pretty boring, but I think I can do better.
Here's the standings in the second week of my two baseball fantasy leagues. My teams in bold.
AMERICAN BASEBALL ASSOCIATION (rotisserie-style legacy league)
1st place: Central City Blues (50 points)
2nd place: Metropolis Wings (49 points)
3rd place: Hub City Bullseyes (46 points)
4th place: Gotham Bluelegs (44 points)
5th place: Alarida Sailors (41 points)
6th place: Meritus Americans (35 points)
7th place: Gotham Metropolitans (33 points)
8th place: Fordham Redlegs (31 points)
9th place: McDaniel Lancers (27 points)
10th place: Metropolis Panthers (24 points)
11th place: Libertyville Liberators (21 points)
12th place: Summit Rebels (17 points)
13th place: Ausburg St. Patricks (15 points)
14th place: Shaukegan Spotlight (11 points)
Just like last year, the fucking Blues got into first early and look to stay there. Just like last year, I'm in second and no matter how close I get I can't seem to knock those bastards out. Just like 5 other years, the goddamn Blues will probably win the title. I hate them. Libertyville, last year's third-place team and 2001's champs, have been totally devastated by injuries and lost players. Shaukegan could pull off the amazing feat of finishing last 4 years in a row.
WHITE SOX E-MAIL LIST FANTASY LEAGUE (head-to-head single-year league)
1st place: C-ville Sox (9-1-0/.900)
2nd place: Tony's Tigers (7-2-1/.750, 1.5 gb)
3rd place: El Dreadlocks (7-3-0/.700, 2 gb)
4th place: Metropolis Wings (6-4-0/.600, 3 gb)
5th place: The Death Leppard (5-3-2/.600, 3 gb)
6th place: Gateway Grizzlies (5-5-0/.500, 4 gb)
7th place: Ice Dogs (5-5-0/.500, 4 gb)
8th place: Tricky Retardos (3-5-2/.400, 5 gb)
9th place: Rayders (4-6-0/.400, 5 gb)
10th place: South Side Strokes (3-7-0/.300, 6 gb)
11th place: Right Wing Hitmen (2-7-1/.250, 6.5 gb)
12th place: Ugly Winners (1-9-0/.100, 8 gb)
One is pleased to see the Right Wing Hitmen come out of the gate so slowly, for political reasons; for personal and vindictive reasons, I am also happy to see the Strokes floundering right off the bat. I am currently engaged in a bitter game with the Ice Dogs, which I will only win if my underperforming pitching staff starts posting numbers up to their ability. C-ville's strong start can't last, but the Dreadlocks are going to be tough all year -- too bad for me, since they're next week's opponents for the Wings.
HOLY CHRIST I'M A GEEK