April 16th, 2003

flavored with age

In Ligue with Satan

Dear baseball fans,

I don't know. I really don't know. This didn't used to happen. I'm sorry.

I would say "please don't hate the White Sox for this", but I know 90% of you aren't even aware that we exist, so, never mind.

flavored with age

We're all in this together

Speaking of the beetle-browed morons who added to my beloved Sox' shitty reputation, I was listening to sports talk radio this morning in hopes of hearing news of these regressive fuck-knuckles. And in between interviews with Laz Diaz and John Rooney, there was a commercial for a Christian dating service.

Yes, a Christian dating service! It was pretty fun, too. There were two voice-overs, a guy and a girl (no homos, please), and the guy says "I never had any trouble meeting women, but it was hard to meet ones who shared my values and morals." Yeah, that's a big problem for me, too. That's why I use "Waste of Space Dating Service for Worthless Slackers".

But! The best part of it was its name: EQUALLY YOKED CHRISTIAN SINGLES. Equally Yoked. Pretty appealing, eh? Pretty enticing. Pretty...sexy. Yes, we're yoked together -- chained, you might say; lashed with a huge wooden bar that forces us together like cattle or slaves. Yes, we suffer under a cruel and primitive burden metaphorically illustrated by a device used to herd animals. But at least it's together! It's equal!

And yes, they have a website!
flavored with age

Fairies wear boots

Ozzy is the best terrible lyricist ever. Not only does he bust the classic rhyme "masses/masses", but he also rhymes "me" with "me" and writes the most obvious line ever ("people run because they're scared") in the SAME SONG!

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