May 12th, 2003

flavored with age

I wet myself! I wet myself! President Bush, I wet myself!

In my ongoing quest to make everyone vomit first thing in the morning, here's some excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by yet another suburban soccer mom who gets all stinky when she thinks of how rich and powerful handsome and virile the President is.

I WOULD HAVE WATCHED THE REST BUT I HAD TO GO TO A DINNER PARTY

"I had the most astonishing thought last Thursday. After a long day of hauling the kids to playdates and ballet, I turned on the news. And there was the president, landing on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, stepping out of a fighter jet in that amazing uniform, looking--how to put it?--really hot. Also presidential, of course. Not to mention credible as commander in chief. But mostly 'hot,' as in virile, sexy and powerful."

NEW YORK MEN EFFEMINATE SISSYS, NOT LIKE PEOPLE IN THE STICKS. OR SO I HEAR, SINCE I WOULDN'T BE SEEN IN OMAHA FOR A MILLION DOLLARS

"You don't see a lot of that in my neighborhood, the Upper West Side of Manhattan. (I'm told there's more of it in the "red" states.)"

ANOTHER OF MY RICH FRIENDS ALSO PROBABLY A LIBERAL, I WOULDN'T KNOW; I'M TOO BUSY 'JUST HAPPENING' TO CARRY AROUND STROKE MATERIAL TO ASK

"At my daughter's East Side school, my friend Emily, a mother of two and probably a liberal, examined the picture of the president in his fly-boy gear that I just happened to have in my purse. She looked carefully, grinned and said, 'He's a hottie. No doubt about it. Really a hottie.'"

ALL MY FRIENDS AND I ENJOY MASTURBATING OVER THE BALDING, CHIMPLIKE MAN

"Alexandra, an unmarried event planner in her 30s, e-mailed: 'Hot? SO HOT!!!!! THAT UNIFORM!'"

SURE, HE'S NEVER GOTTEN WITHIN 2000 MILES OF THE COUNTRY WE DECLARED WAR ON, AND THEY NEVER ACTUALLY THREATENED US IN ANY WAY, AND YET I STILL FEEL HE'S PERSONALLY PROTECTING US

"In a more restrained way, my friend Maggie, a writer/mom, explained: 'I think he is actually protecting me and my sons, and I find that attractive in a man.'"

YOU KNOW IT'S CREDIBLE WHEN IT COMES FROM A BIOGRAPHER NAMED SUZI

"Suzi, who did her mom time and now writes biographies, also began with restraint. I asked, casually, what she thought about President Bush. She answered, carefully, 'He's so confident. He is a very credible, trustworthy leader.' 'Yeah,' I pursue, 'but do you think he's sexy?' 'Oh God, yes,' she said. 'I mean, that swagger. George Bush in a pair of jeans is a treat to watch.'

FOOLISH LIBERALS LIKE SMART PEOPLE

"Back on the West Side, among the liberals I live surrounded by, there was dissent. Many of them still cite Bill Clinton and his allegedly penetrating intellect as more appealing. Liberals make such a fetish of intellect."
flavored with age

Hmmmm.

Laundry tonight, and X-Men 2 tomorrow?

Or X-Men 2 tonight and laundry tomorrow?

On the one hand, I'm pretty much out of laundry, and I desperately need to haul my ass over to the Spin Cycle in order to avoid getting too funky. But on the other hand, I really want to see the movie, and it's not like I'm going to draw attention to myself in a theatre full of other fat comic nerds by smelling bad. I just can't decide.

Speaking of nerdy, I just started reading Homi K. Bhabha's The Location of Culture, and then blew all the intellectual cachet that bought me by going to the comic book shop. Here's what I got:

- The Couriers, Brian Wood & Rob G. (Pretty good, polished art and a nice urban feel, but, honestly, the plot and action were pretty stupid and the characterization was non-existent. Reading this was the equivalent of watching a really retarded action movie and enjoying it, only to feel guilty about it later.)

- Hang Up On the Hang Low, volume 3 of "100 Bullets" by Brian Azzarello & Eduardo Risso. (This is actually pretty terrific stuff. I started reading it a while back and it took a while to catch on my but it's since become one of my favorite books, and this story arc is the best so far, I think. Azzarello is one of the few writers who can do the urban/gangsta milieu without coming off as silly, and Risso's art has really grown on me.)

- Dixie Fried, volume 5 of "Preacher" by Garth Ennis & Steve Dillon. (Jesus, "Preacher" is inconsistent. Ennis has a lot in common with Morrison; he mistakes outrageousness for subversion, and he can take a good idea and make it great in one issue and awful in the next. This isn't a bad book, and I've really started to like Dillon's art, but I wish it wasn't disappointing as often as it is enjoyable.)

- The Treasure Hunters, volume 8 of "Bone" by Jeff Smith. ("Bone" has gotten less funny and whimsical, but it hasn't declined in quality at all. Dave Sim [who is Jeff Smith gone horribly awry] could learn a lesson from Smith about how to expand and intensify your focus without becoming ridiculous. None of this is to say that it doesn't still have funny bits; it does. The art is as great as always, and the story is downright absorbing. My only complaint is that it seems to end somewhat abruptly.)

- Super-Human, volume 1 of "The Ultimates" by Mark Millar & Bryan Hitch. (We've seen this all before: another reboot of a popular book -- in this case, the Avengers -- in an 'alternate' version in order to sell more comics to suckers expand the franchise; superheroes shown as deeply troubled, cynical, flawed individuals; crypto-liberal hipster takes on the characters and histories; multi-culti pop culture everywhere. Yawn. Except...well, it's pretty good. I mean, it's got huge flaws: as with most quasi-political super-comics, the ideas are about an inch thick; Millar goes into total overkill mode with the pop-cult stuff, including an endless, pitiful sequence where the Ultimates cast themselves in a movie that made me sick to my stomach; and, as is too often the case when hero comics try to get 'serious', a lot of the psychological angles are just purely arbitrary, to dump crap on the characters. But as superhero titles do, it's at least trying, and it's a pretty fun read. And goddamn do I like Bryan Hitch.)