August 22nd, 2003

flavored with age

Lend a helping hand...UP YOUR ASS

The U.S. is trying to get other countries to help out in Iraq. Showing the utter lack of shame that has been our hallmark since mid-September 2001, we're using the death of innocent people in the truck-bombing of the United Nations building in Baghdad as leverage to try and get different U.N. countries to take a load off of us.

Now, never mind that the vast majority of these countries were opposed to the war in Iraq in the first place. Never mind that we went ahead and invaded Iraq without their permission, essentially telling the United Nations to go fuck itself. Never mind that the reason we're having so many problems over there, the reason we need assistance and relief, is that the whole occupation has turned into a deadly quagmire, as could easily have been (and, in fact, was) predicted before the war even started. Forget all that. The fact is, we're over there now, right or wrong, and we need help, and so despite our arrogance, pride, scorn and overconfidence, we're now asking the rest of the world for their help.

So, surely, we must finally be willing to make concessions, right?

Nope. The U.S. is asking for the help of the rest of the international community, but we're still demanding that we retain total military control over the troops, we're still refusing to broaden U.N. humanitarian efforts in Iraq, and stunningly, we're still insisting that only select U.S. companies carry out the rebuilding process. And we're using as a crowbar a bombing that certainly would not have occurred in the first place if it hadn't been for us. Meanwhile, the death toll of U.S. soldiers killed after George W. Bush declared that the fighting was over is very rapidly approaching the death toll of soldiers who were actually killed during the war, and will almost certainly soon exceed it.

Doesn't this administration know anything about diplomacy?
flavored with age

Heroines of the 1970s

Haven’t played this game in a while…join in, won’t you?

The other day, at the Huck Finn Donuts, I thought I saw MARGOT KIDDER.

Peein’ on the beach

She was ordering the combo box, which comes with a jumbo apple FRITTER.

Mmmmmmm...donuts

Remember when she was partnered in the sack race on “Battle of the Network Stars” with JOHN RITTER?

Jack the, Jack the Tripper on the Moulin Rouge

Of course, that was before she did her cameo as “Victim #2” of CRITTER.

A Jim Henson reduction

Given the way her career has gone in the last decade, it’s hard to believe she turned down the lead in GLITTER.

Rhymes with ‘pariah’

Of course, I know she’s not going to give up, because she’s not a QUITTER…

Now available on eMusic

…even if her career is currently in the SHITTER.

Superman?  Are you in there?
flavored with age

Damn.

WESLEY WILLIS - REST IN PEACE

Batman got on my nerves.
He was running amok.
He ridiculed me, calling me a bum.

I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass

Batman thought he was bad.
He was a fucking asshole in the first place!
He got knocked to the floor.

I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass

Batman beat the hell out of me and knocked me to the floor.
I got back up and knocked him to the floor.
He was being such a jackoff.

I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass

I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass
I wupped Batman's ass

Superman had a big "S" on his chest.
He was drawing on my last nerve.
I got mad at his drunk ass.
I gave him a war hell ride!

I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass

Superman thought he was bad.
He was messing with my girlfriend!
I caught him in my room kissing her.
I took a rubber hose and flogged his rump.

I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass

Superman beat the hell out of me.
He knocked me to the floor.
I got back up and knocked him to the floor.
Superman was being such a roughneck.

I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass
I whipped Superman's ass

Rock over London, rock on Chicago!
Shell -- it's the world's best-selling gasoline!