October 7th, 2003

flavored with age

Random notes

- It's weird to hear Harry Goz's voice in commercials. Seeing as he's dead and all. You would think that they'd pull the ads, but no.

- I almost got killed this morning driving down the alley. Some huge van came screaming at me and barely dodged around me, even though I was traveling at all of 10 miles per hour. The really odd thing is, I caught a glimpse of the driver as he rocketed past me, and I swear he was a 12-year-old kid. Is there car theft afoot in the 'hood? Or is someone just getting an early start on their driving lessons?

- I've been listening to King Diamond and Mercyful Fate lately. Have I no shame? Have I no taste?
flavored with age

The garbage man can't

As you may know if you're a Chicagoan, or if you're some kind of lunatic who keeps an eye on local issues in Chicago even though you live in Nebraska, my city is currently subject to a strike by waste disposal workers. As the strike drags on, bags of trash pile up in our Dumpsters, rats get fatter and bolder, and the unique urine scent that is Chicago's hallmark odor mixes with the ucky stank of rotting food and old beer cans.

What are the issues in this labor dispute? Let's take a look at the strikers' demands.

* Workers will no longer be called 'garbagemen' or 'sanitation engineers', but 'post-usage consumer product removal professionals'

* Pickup schedule to be changed to 'he who tops it off drops it off' paradigm

* All workers to be issued black leather uniforms with skull insignia armbands and "HELL'S DUSTMEN M.C." logo on the back

* Not responsible for hauling human waste; only animal waste

* Grizzly old guys to be legally barred from pronouncing it 'GOB-idge'
flavored with age

Hallow wiener

Having not entertained in some time, I've been thinking about having a Halloween party. Costumed, naturally. I figure, light dinner and heavy drinking, accompanied by the cannabis-assisted viewing of some really crappy horror movies.

The thing is, I don't have that many friends, so I need to make sure people will be available to come to it. Also, I need to come up with a decent theme for the costumes. Something that will let my friends show off the fact that they're smarter than I am. I'm contemplating doing a 'come as a favorite literary character' theme so I can finally show off my Ignatius J. Reilly look*, but I'm afraid this might be a little too twee. Or possibly not twee enough. Other possibilities include the ever-popular Dead Celebrity costume party, the come-dressed-as-an-abstract-concept theme, or the Dress-Like-Another-Person-At-The-Party theme.

Ideas? Attendance? What are you doing for Halloween, pumpkins?

*: Rumor has it that in the allegedly upcoming film adaptation of "Confederacy of Dunces", the role of Ignatius will be played by, of all people, Will Ferrell. This is completely misguided that I am praying for the ghost of John Kennedy Toole to kill Mr. Ferrell to ensure it doesn't happen.