October 22nd, 2003

flavored with age

So, who's feelin' free?

I don't know about you, but I feel free as hell! Man! My freedom and security are just through the fucking roof!

I mean, ever since Bush became president, I've had so much freedom I don't know what to do with it all! Like, the freedom to have every Arab in the world hate me; and the freedom to not go to the middle east because I'll get blown to shit; and the freedom to watch American citizens detained indefinitely without trial; and the freedom to not have a job! Those are all awesome freedoms, and today I'm looking forward to the freedom to put doctors in prison for two years for performing a safe and sometimes necessary medical procedure.

And the freedom doesn't end there! President Bush's policies have helped Israel grant Palestinians the freedom to be killed by occupying armies; they've helped Iraq get the freedom to raise their terrorism rates from none to at least one a day; and they've helped huge, enormously wealthy corporations sue grandmothers and 11-year-old girls. Not to mention all the freedom they've given to private companies at home and abroad! Iraqi industries are now free to be sold; American and European companies are now free to buy them; and their workers are free to be paid less money for the same work, not to mention being freed from the tyranny of guaranteed employment!

Yes, it's truly a marvelous time for freedom in America. People who vote Democrat are free to have their votes questioned; people who want to voice racist, sexist or downright insane things are finally free from the tyrrany of being criticized for doing so; and people who enjoy civil rights are free to shut up! And that's not even mentioning the fact that rich people are finally free to pay less taxes, while poor people are freeloading no longer.

In fact, it's the freedoms we've lost that are almost as important as the freedoms we've gained. Dark-skinned people are no longer free to enter our country with impunity. Politicians are no longer free to hold office just because they happened to win an election. And, perhaps best of all, chief executives are finally free to expose the identities of their intelligence operatives and then lie about it, but are thankfully no longer free to get their dicks sucked and lie about it.

Our economy is free from the shackles of surpluses and balanced budgets. Our society is free from the stifling civility and tolerance that constricted it so much in the past. Our foreign policy is free from the labyrinthine entanglements of alliances and diplomatic relationships with other countries. Our soldiers are free from sloth and idleness now that they're finally able to put their lives on the line every single day. And our citizenry is free from the confusion and difficulty of such needless complexities as due process, press conferences and accountability.

God bless America, land of the free! FOUR MORE YEARS!