March 17th, 2004

flavored with age

The scarin' o' the green

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY, ye drunken bastards!

To honor my conceivably half-Irish ancestry, I offer these suggestions of what you can do to make the holiday a memorable one.

1. Drive all the non-Christians from your neighborhood using a cudgel. If anyone asks about it later, say they were snakes, not people.

2. Arrange for your rich neighbor to steal all your food. Become very, very hungry and move to another continent to get a job as a policeman.

3. Write a dense, complex, brilliant novel that defines an entirely new approach to literature and which will be highly praised, but not widely read or influential. Follow it up with an impenetrable work that no one can understand or even read other than yourself.

4. Engage in a lengthy bombing campaign against your wealthy, food-stealing neighbor. Keep sending him letter and pipe bombs until he agrees to remove his freeloading cousin from the spare room in your attic. Arrange for a mediocre, widely overhyped rock band from your home town to write a song about how tragic this all is.

5. Come to my apartment and help me eat all the leftovers from the St. Patrick's Day party I had on Saturday.
flavored with age

Ee-lections

Big ups to my man Barack Obama for winning the Illinois primary despite the vote-winning handicaps of being black, being progressive, and having a crazy foreign-sounding name!

Also big ups to my man Dennis Kucinich for remaining on the ballot for some reason, thus allowing me to vote for one winner and one no-chance-in-heller on the same ballot!
flavored with age

Another dopey LJ meme...

...stolen from thevulgartrade.

YOUR LIFE: THE SOUNDTRACK

Opening credits: The Misfits, “Where Eagles Dare”
Waking up: Hüsker Dü, “New Day Rising”
Average day: They Might Be Giants, “Older”
First date: Throbbing Gristle, “Hot on the Heels of Love”
Falling in love: The Velvet Underground, “Some Kinda Love”
Love scene: Funkadelic, “Mommy, What’s a Funkadelic?”
Fight scene: Slayer, “Angel of Death”
Breaking up: Eleventh Dream Day, “There’s This Thing”
Getting back together: The Osbourne Brothers, “Ruby Are You Mad (at Your Man)”
Secret love: Vomit Launch, “Hence the Box”
Life’s okay: Charlie Feathers, “One Hand Loose”
Mental breakdown: Lou Reed, “Waves of Fear”
Driving: The Embarrassment, “Two Week Vacation”
Learning a lesson: Wall of Voodoo, “Call of the West”
Deep thought: Charles Mingus, “Better Get Hit in Yo’ Soul”
Flashback: Run-D.M.C., “Raising Hell”
Partying: Alkoholiks feat. Ol’ Dirty Bastard, “Hip Hop Drunkies”
Happy dance: The Coup, “The Funk”
Regretting: Quasi, “You Fucked Yourself”
Long night alone: The Feelies, “Find a Way”
Death scene: Freakwater, “Little Black Train”
Closing credits: X, “I Must Not Think Bad Thoughts”