May 4th, 2004

flavored with age

Get on board! The LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE bus!

- I snore. Possibly because I have a fatal disease, I don't know. But I snore, deafeningly and repulsively, so loudly that the dead rise from their crypts and, pausing only to terrify high school students and eat the flesh of the living, come to my apartment and roll me over onto my side. Anyway, the point is, those strips that you put on your nose? They actually work, sort of. My only fear is that some morning I will forget I have one on and show up at the office wearing it on my nose with my glasses perched on the top, and I will look like a fatter, older, lamer version of Bill Haverchuk from Freaks & Geeks.

- There is some shitheels who speeds through our alley every morning blowing his horn non-stop. I would like to track him down and ask him why he does this. I would like to ask him with the aid of a pair of pliers.

- I spent the last month bitching and whining about how overloaded I was with freelance stuff, so, of course, now that I have nothing I'm getting desperate and twitchy. There's nothing to do, I'm getting lazy, and my mailbox is devoid of checks. Please, someone, give me some money to write about something! Or accept one of my many submissions! Or give me a staff job, you bastards! Or hey how about this, One Magazine In Particular: how about you pay me already for the big article I wrote for you way back in early March? Goddamn it.

- A while back, I decided that starting in May, I was going to work through every cookbook that I own -- which is a lot -- and make two recipes a week from each cookbook. That is, I'd start by making two recipes in the first week from the first book on the cookbook bookshelf, then two the second week from the second book, etc. I thought this was a fun and very ambitious plan. Then, later, I discovered that there's a woman who cooked every single recipe in Julia Child's French Cooking book in order, and wrote a blog about it. This week I learned that there's a critic in New York who went to 5,000 restaurants in the city over the course of 15 years, in alphabetical order. I'm still gonna do my lame little project, but all of the sudden it doesn't seem quite so ambitious anymore.

- Interesting conversation this weekend about how odd it is that I have fully embraced certain aspects of geek culture (comics, role-playing, indie rock, kung fu movies, being paralytically inept around members of the opposite sex) while remaining relatively uninterested in other aspects of geek culture (science fiction, fantasy, collecting, conventions, listening to really shitty music). I have no real answer to this, nor do I have an answer for why certain cultural manifestations which are clearly and unquestionably geeky (I think specifically of jazz and sports fandom) are not generally considered geeky by the public at large*, but it's a fascinating topic.

- Since I totally fucking forgot to do a MONDAY SHIT-LIST yesterday (thanks partly to my ongoing technical problems with the computer), here it is for Tuesday: What are five of the worst movies you've ever seen? Now here, I'm not speaking of crappy-but-enjoyable movies (like, for me, "Scarface"), or movies so hysterically bad they're good (like, again from my perspective, "Showgirls" and "Plan 9 from Outer Space"), but just horrible, worthless, irredeemable shitty flicks that make you sorry not only that you saw them, but that they got made in the first place. Cough 'em up, punks! What's on your must-not-see list?

*: thaitea has an intriguing theory about sports and jazz's status as non-geeky activities even though they are clearly the domain of geeks: the involvement of Negroes. She posits the notion that if enough black people are involved, the activity becomes cool even if it is inherently lame. I think there may be flaws in the theory, but it would also explain why a number of rappers like the Wu-Tang Clan, Del tha Funkee Homosapien, and Cannibal Ox are considered ultra-hip despite their obvious obsession with toweringly geeky shit like kung fu movies, science fiction and comic books. More study is clearly needed.