May 19th, 2004

flavored with age


1. This morning, on the way to work, I saw a really, really old woman, and she was wearing a bicycle helmet. A big one. Only she wasn't riding a bicycle, see? And that's not something that happens by accident, the donning of a bike helmet.

2. Also on the walk to work this morning, a car passed by me, and the driver was a young woman rocking full-on clown regalia. The passenger was a young man, not wearing clownery, yapping away on a cell phone. My guess as to what he was saying: "Dude, this chick is dressed up like a fuckin' CLOWN! I am so gonna fuck her."

3. There's a carnival at McFettridge Park, and one of the rides is covered in gray-market Warner Brothers cartoon characters. Hello, lawsuit! Personally, I would watch a reality TV show called Carny Court. Wouldn't you?

4. Randy Johnson. Man. That guy is...I'm gonna have to say he's my favorite pitcher. Not the greatest pitcher I ever saw, because I've never seen him pitch in person (that honor would go to that sick motherfucker Pedro Martinez); but probably the most accomplished, the most dominating, the greatest pitcher around. Plus he's a lefty, and a big freak, and he used to have a mullet, and he lives in the AZ, and he likes to scare the shit out of people. The perfect game is the greatest accomplishment in baseball, and until last night, it was the only goal he'd never accomplished. Now, there's literally nothing he needs to do to say he's done it all.

5. Bill Kristol was on Fresh Air yesterday and every word he said made me want to throttle him. That motherfucker is evil. Is it just me, or is there something fucked up with pioneering a project called the "Project for a New American Century" which results in America's reputation going completely down the shitter?