May 25th, 2004

flavored with age

Dead deadlines

I had a bunch of deadlines last week, and I kicked their fucking asses! I sucked the light out of their eyes! I knocked the taste out their mouths! I ran them down in the middle of the street and then backed up over them a few times! I put a foot on their backside and shoved them down three flights of stairs!

Now, if the publications in question just pay me with as much speed, I shall be a happy fellow.

I have nothing due now for a little while, so I can hopefully get some work done on the crappy novel. Also, I'm still HA HA taking commissions, if anyone wants anything written for them. Meanwhilst, for the two of you who enjoyed my last radio appearance, I will be on WLUW's "Under Surveillance" show again soon, discussing political humor and satire after 9/11. Details of the broadcast date when I have them.

Oddly enough, this Memorial Day holiday will be the first three-day weekend in a while where I don't have any immediate writing deadlines. What will I do with myself? Good grief! I think it's a given that I will

(a) get high
(b) masturbate
(c) load more songs onto my iPod, Misty
(d) go to a White Sox game
(e) shoot a man in Gurnee (watch those gurnee wounds, folks, they hurt like a hen-wetter) just to watch him die

But that's not going to fill the whole weekend! What to do? What, indeed, to goddamn do? Maybe I can find a good floating crap game and fall in love with a missionary. Or perhaps do some other thing that involves the words "floating", "crap" and "missionary".

And remember: you can make any PATRIOTIC EVENT more MEMORABLE with VALUE-PRICED GIVEAWAYS from the Oriental Trading Company! Shoved up your diaper tube lengthwise!