August 25th, 2004

flavored with age

That '70s catch-up post

- Ever have one of those weeks where you can't go ten seconds without pissing off one of your friends? I seem to have them more and more. Perhaps this is because I am an asshole.

- Ever have one of those weeks where you desperately need to do some serious housecleaning because your apartment is a wreck and you have company coming and you really need to do some cooking because you've been eating garbage and letting food spoil but you can't do any of these things because you're drowning in freelance work and you have to spend pretty much every waking moment hunched in front of your computer writing? I seem to have been having them for almost a month now. Perhaps this is because I am an an overextended schmuck.

- Ever have one of those weeks where you listen to Air America Radio a lot at work and you start to notice that Janeane Garofalo's show is almost unlistenably bad because no matter how smart and articulate she is, she's kind of a leftist ideologue and she's really credulous and worst of all she's not even very funny anymore, and it hurts your heart and feels like breaking up with an old girlfriend? I seem to have had one pretty recently. Perhaps this is because I don't actually have a girlfriend.

- Ever have one of those weeks where you stay up until 1:30AM on a work night because you have a bunch of deadlines to meet, and you decide to watch Dogville while you're writing, and you can't help but notice that it's an incredibly skillful and powerful film, and leaving aside all the fatuous objections to Lars van Trier being an "un-American" director, you can't help but notice that Hollywood, which generates without question the most sexist, woman-hating "entertainment" imaginable on a daily basis, gets a free pass whenever they decide to kill off a generic female lead in order to advance the plot, while von Trier gets labeled a "misogynist" for intelligently confronting us with this fact? I seem to have had one just last night. Perhaps this is because I am a pig.

- Ever have one of those weeks where you really, really, really don't want to go to work? I seem to have had one every week since I was 16. Perhaps this is because work sucks.
flavored with age

NEW HAMPSHIRE CRAZY LADY IS SCARED OF BIG CITY CREEPS

I WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING SCARY

Next week, people who hate Republicans plan to release swarms of mice in New York City to terrorize delegates to the National Republican Convention.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WHERE THE NEGROES LIVE

Republican-haters plan on dressing up as RNC volunteers, and giving false directions to little blue hair ladies from Kansas, sending them into the sectors of New York City that are unfit for human habitation.

PIES...AND MAYBE DOODY POO POO!

They plan on throwing pies and Lord knows what else at Republican visitors to the city.

NOT BEATING AND GASSING = CODDLING

New York City is a place renowned for coddling no one — tourists, babies, old people. And yet, its new mayor, a Boston transplant, plans to coddle these junior terrorists.

TERRORISTS REMARKABLY EASY TO SPOT

Perhaps the Department of Homeland Security should hand out buttons at the convention that say “Peaceful Islamic Radical.” All the scary-looking guys with fertilizer on their shoes, wires coming out of their pockets, and duct-tape visible under their shirts can walk around with these buttons, enjoying nice-priced margaritas and reduced-admission live sex shows before they blow up Madison Square Garden.

YOUR AVERAGE TERRORIST IS MUCH WORSE THAN A PEE-THROWING HIPPIE

Mayor Bloomberg overlooks this basic truth: The kind of protestor who is going to report to headquarters to pick up a button, and who is dorky enough to wear such a button, is not vicious enough to release rodents or toss urine on well-groomed Republican men and women in golf shirts and khaki pants.

JUST LIKE ARABS

New Yorkers understand — and respect — one thing: strength.

HOMELESS PEOPLE & STREET VENDORS = TERRORISTS

That’s why Rudy Giuliani, a New York City native, did so well as mayor. He flexed his muscles early, arrested petty criminals, and turned a deaf ear to cries that he was violating the civil rights of squeegee men and other vagrants who terrorized residents and tourists.

THE INNOCENT HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR

Protestors are complaining already that the FBI is visiting them and sowing intimidation. Who cares? As long as they’re not planning to break the law, protestors should have no reason to fear inquiries from law enforcement officials.

BRING BACK THE SPIRIT OF '68

Bloomberg is calling for a sensitive war on protestor-terrorists, the way John Kerry is naively calling for a more sensitive war on international terrorists. Instead of manufacturing smiley-face buttons to pin on potentially unruly protestors, Bloomberg should be manufacturing plastic handcuffs.

(From here.)
flavored with age

I am pretentious

Hey, I bought books! A whole slew of them! At Powell's! Partly with the gift certificate Lara gave me! Note: this list illustrates why I will never really be smart, because I mean, WHAT ARE ALL THESE BOOKS? WHAT'S THE SIGNIFICANCE? I DON'T KNOW!!!

Anyway, here's what I got.

Frederick Barthelme, Moon Deluxe: Stories
Julius Caesar, An Account of the Civil War
William Faulkner, Intruder in the Dust
Peter Handke, On a Dark Night I Left My Silent House
James Joll, The Anarchists
Howard Lauther, Creating Characters: A Writer's Reference
Andrew MacDonald (William Pierce), The Turner Diaries
Matt Maranian, Pad Parties: The Guide to Ultra-Entertaining
Denny O'Neil & Neal Adams, Green Lantern & Green Arrow Volume 1
Derek Raymond, A State of Denmark
Alain Robbe-Grillet, The Erasers
Edward Said, Peace and Its Discontents

I feel confident that I am the only person in the history of the world who has bought an Edward Said book and "The Turner Diaries" on the same day.