September 8th, 2004

flavored with age

Flash! AH AAAAAAH! He'll moon every one of us!

Okay, to compensate for my total lack of interesting posts lately, and inspired by (as always, when I say "inspired by", I mean "completely ripping off") calamityjon, I offer one of my infrequent interactive poetic diddlyhoppers.

Leave a comment below asking for one, and I'll hit you up with a bawdy, tawdry celebrity sex limerick written just fo' yo' ass.

Bust it!
flavored with age

DIABOLICAL VIDEO DISC!

Recent discoveries about DVD purchases:

- The copy of "The Ladykillers" I bought was, in fact, an empty box with no DVD in it.

- When I took "The Ladykillers" back to exchange it, I was given a copy which, I discovered when I got home, had the black plastic security tag stuck on the content side of the disc. This not only could have fucked up the disc, but fucked up my DVD player.

- The other three movies I bought at the same time ("Intolerable Cruelty", "Adaptation" and "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King") all had security bar inserts that prevented me from opening the cases and getting the discs, necessitating another trip back to the store to have an employee remove them with a special widget.

- All in all, each one of these discs required me, in order to play a video I'd already paid for, to remove an external shrink-wrap, peel off three of those maddening security stickers that gouge your disc box and ruin your fingernails, remove an insert card with a security strip, remove a black plastic security tag (once from the 'play' side of the disc), AND have a low-paid clerk deploy a doohickey to remove the yellow security bar. Okay, loss prevention, great, but the idea that I have to spend twenty minutes to crack open a box containing a $15 DVD is a little ridiculous.

- The "Ben Stiller Show" DVD set I bought a while back contains two disc 1's. I no longer remember where I bought it and I didn't keep the receipt, because I foolishly assumed it would have a disc 1 and a disc 2. Now my only option is to buy another copy of the set, which will give me three disc 1's.

Today, I feel a little less guilty about stealing so much stuff on LimeWire.