February 1st, 2005

flavored with age

Fuuuuust of the month

The "Love Is" icon set will appear sometime tonight; there was no time to work on them yesternight, since I was cranking out a heavy freelance piece. But it's done now, which means tonight, I bust out the icons and catch up on the no-updates-in-almost-a-week Ludic Log. I'm so irresponsible.

Speaking of irresponsible, I need to go back to Facets tonight and take back the movies I've had since the Neolithic era. I think I might try and snag Gummo (I'm looking forward to casting my weight once and for all with either the camp of my friends who love it or the camp who hate it, because I know they're tired of me fannying about with this "I haven't seen it" stuff) and Night and the City (inspired by kp3000's comments on it), but I need a third and am more than open to suggestions.

Odd realization from the weekend: while watching one of Annie's Elmo videos, I thought I detected the voice of Andrea Martin in one of the animated segments, as there was an unmistakable Edith Prickley comin' at me. Looking it up on IMDB, though (yes, in one of the obssessive behaviors that makes me the darling of the swingset-and-lithium crowd, I actually consulted a source to determine if my assessment of a three-minute voiceover on my girlfriend's daughter's kiddie DVDs was accurate), it turns out it wasn't Andrea Martin at all. Which means that somewhere in Hollywood, or wherever they produce "Elmo's World", there is an actress doing an Edith Prickley imitation for children.

Things I am stupidly excited about: Valentine's day; a couple of the short stories I'm getting ready to send out; this weekend's Mardi Gras party and the ridiculously good crawfish etoufee that will be served there; going grocery shopping and maybe actually cooking for once; the long-awaited release in English of Haruki Murakami's latest novel Kafka on the Shore. Seriously, that thing has been out for like three years and I'm just now going to get to read it. It would have been faster for me to just learn Japanese.

And now, in closing, a list.

NEW MENU ITEMS FOR 2005 AT YOUR FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS

ARBY'S: The FoilBuster™ Worse-Than-Homemade Meatloaf Sandwich
BURGER KING: The Shredded Veal Whopper
HARDEE'S: The Steak, Quince and Wood Chips Breakfast Biscuit
KFC: Chicken Liver Festival Flecks™
LONG JOHN SILVER'S: Pirate Poppers™ (kid-sized cup of jumbo salmon roe)
McDONALDS: The New "Salad 'N' Soy" Menu, Because Despite What Some Rabble-Rousers Might Claim, We Don't Make People Super-Size Anything
SUBWAY: The "What Am I?"™ (chopped liver sandwich)
TACO BELL: The 29-Cent Value Menu (2 ounces of refried beans, half an ounce of shredded cheese, or half a damp tortilla)
WENDY'S: The Dave Thomas HeartStopper™ Quintuple Bacon Mega-Classic
WHITE CASTLE: The Greenthumb™, the veggie-burger that slyly acknowledges its stoner appeal
flavored with age

Me and my lack of technical acumen

Well, I have very bad news for the democratic process.

Thanks to LiveJournal's irritating restriction that user pictures must be 100x100 or smaller, my detourned "Love Is" cartoons are too small to be legible. This might be fixable by someone who knows a lot more about PhotoShop than I do, but unfortunately, I am not that someone. (Anyone who wants to volunteer, I'll send the stuff to you along with the desired captions and run 'em next month with my thanks.) So that means that I'm gonna have to dump them, because as they are now, you can't read the detourned text, and they look like regular "Love Is" cartoons and they make me kinda sick.

So, since the winner is unable to complete her duties, the crown goes to the runner-up. Coming soon: ape quotes.
flavored with age

Yeah we tight we tight

Adventures in headline improvement chapter zillion: my brain read this AP headline:

Tighter ethics rules at National Institutes of Health

as this AP headline:

Tighter ethnics rule at National Institutes of Health

YEAH! TAKE THAT WHITEY, TIGHTER ETHNICS RULE HERE AT THE N.I.H.!

In other news, I thought I knew what evil was. I thought I knew poisonous, bilious, soul-killing hate. When I was stuck on the "Just Business" mission in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, I thought I lived in a world of pain. But I didn't know a goddamn thing until I was faced with the hellish doorway to nightmarish oblivion, the seeping black wound of all that is wicked, the game-ruining, life-ending one-two punch that is the "Wu Zi Mu"/"Farewell, My Love..." missions. To whatever designer created this horrible segment of the game, you have transformed the most wonderful game I have ever played into an endless abyss of frustration and rot. I hate you and I hope your family is eaten by zombies.