February 3rd, 2005

flavored with age

Whorin'

Finally caught up from the missing week over on the Ludic Log:

Monday: and in my mind, the color blue...
Tuesday: what Ludic Log readers are masturbating to these days.
Wednesday: in the world of noir.

Note: big announcement tomorrow on the site.

Note #2: the entries above are slightly less sucky than the previous batch.
flavored with age

Chickentown

And that's a good thought for this day, or any day:

1. You know what would have been funny? If the Democrats had put red ink on their fingers last night.

2. Of course, I know a lot of people are excited about the Eagles being in the Super Contest Ball this weekend, but have we all forgotten that their quarterback isn't really that good, and that he's just been hyped up by the media because they want to see a black man succeed?

3. I want to get my gal something for Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, all the standard sources that tell you what to get your gal for Valentine's Day are stupid. That's the problem with the world today: it's stupid.

4. Speaking of stupid, the Oscars are coming up!

5. If I were to start my own wrestling stable, I would call them the Natural Disasters, and they would be a bunch of brutal weirdos in a Mansonesque hippie cult. They would be dirty, gross and ugly, and they would talk in ridiculous faux-hippie slang like the kind you would read in the New Yorker in, like, 1966. There would be ten of them, and they would be named Harry Kane, "Flash" Fludd, Forrest Feir, Thor Nato, "Meaty" Orr, Ty Dillwave, Dr. Ought, Eva Lanche, Eartha Kweik, and Sue Nami. Bob Mould gets paid more money to think this stuff up than he made in all his years with Hüsker Dü!

THE END I AM A GENIUS
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The horror...the horror

This article has, bar none, the greatest closing paragraph I have never read in my life:

"People were screaming and running," Prattville cheerleader Cherish Cartee said. "Girls lost their cell phones. Keys got lost. It's something I will never forget."
flavored with age

James Lileks' State of the Union

DAMN THOSE ELDERLY BASTARDS, USING THEIR SPIN MACHINE TO RUIN THE PRESIDENT'S BRILLIANT SCHEME

I thought the Social Security section was strong, but whether it built up a head of steam to blast through the headwinds to come I can’t say. If the AARP puts out ads showing the spats-clad Monopoly man yanking checks from the hands of seniors and lighting rotund cheroots, what was said last night will make little difference.

THE PRESIDENT HAS CHOSEN OUR NEXT TWO PAPER TIGERS WISELY

The challenge to Syria was nice, a public echo of what I suspect has been said in private. And hello, Egypt! Welcome to the Axis of Damn Well Better Get Your Act Together!

I FULLY ACCEPTED THE MANIPULATIVE PROPAGANDA RETROACTIVELY ONCE IT WAS EXPLAINED TO ME

The moment between the survivors of the fallen soldier and the Iraqi would have impressed me more if I knew what was going on; that’s the problem with the radio. But once I knew what the sustained applause was all about, I got gooseflesh in retrospect.

FOR SOME REASON, LIBERALS HAVE FAILED TO APPRECIATE THE PRESIDENT'S TRUTHFULNESS

Of course, the clever kids rolled their eyes at the Axis of Evil, but I loved it then and love it today. Partly because it’s, well, oh, what’s the word? TRUE.

I WOULD PREFER TO BE LED BY A DETERMINED, CLEAR-THINKING FICTIONAL CHARACTER, NOT BY AN ACTUAL PERSON WHO THINKS THINGS THROUGH

And partly because it has such a retro Captain America vibe so at odds with the interminably nuanced rhetoric of a Davosian struggling to find the right words to deplore Chinese infanticide without giving anyone the idea he’s acting from some sense of religious inspiration.

YOU KNOW THE KIND I MEAN

That sort can be counted upon to claim we have a moral duty to do any number of things, but will rarely identify anything as immoral.

AND NOW, A GRATUITOUS ACCUSATION OF HICK-BASHING BY LEFTISTS

Leave that word for the dopes who pack the buses to Branson.

THE PRESS IS OUT TO GET THE PRESIDENT, AT LEAST THOSE MEMBERS OF THE PRESS WHO AREN'T ON HIS PAYROLL

But I’ve never thought that the stumble-tongued public Bush was the same in private; he’s just one of those guys who gets frequently spooked by cameras and a roomful of guys with pens in hand and murder in mind.

FOR SOME REASON, I HAVE CHOSEN TO GO INTO A BIZARRE DIGRESSION IN WHICH I COMPARE TED TURNER TO CASTRO AND ACCUSE HIM OF CONTEMPLATING NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON FOR REASONS OF SHEER BOREDOM

I mean, Ted Turner can hold forth like Castro, but it doesn’t mean I want him staring at the red button, wondering whether he should save us all the bother and just get it over with now.

IN CONCLUSION, TO PROVE MY UTTER LACK OF SHAME OR SELF-AWARENESS, ONE PARAGRAPH AFTER ACCUSING THE LIBERAL ESTABLISHMENT OF HATING RED-STATE HICKS, I NOW MAKE FUN OF TED TURNER'S LAUGHABLE SOUTHERN ACCENT

"Ah’ll hold you in the next world, Jane. Oh, right, Ah’m an atheist. Sheet."