February 9th, 2005

flavored with age

ON A PLATE!

What's fer breakfast?

AIGS!
Some PAN CAKES!
With SURP!
Couple slice a BAKIN!
And SASSIDGE!
Maybe some HAYUM!
Or if'n there's munny a GRUBSTEAK!
Anyhow there's gotta be BREAKFAST MEAT.
Allus gotta have some TOAST!
Or ANGLISHMUFFINS!
With BUDDER!
Some people like TORE-TILLAS but not me.
I tell you what though I love a good BISKIT!
With GRAVY!
There's always CHICKAFRY STEAK but I think that's more fer supper.
Some likes JELLY some likes JAYUM I cain't tella differns.
And TATERS!
You can have a HASHBROWN or a FRAH or a OH-BRINE or even COUNTRY STYLE.
Whatever way, there's TATERS!
I hear tell in the city they eat SEAR-YULL and FROOT but that ain't no meal.
Give me some CORNBEEFHASH!
Or CHOREESO!
You can wash it all back with some ARNJUICE and COFFEE.

What's fer breakfast?
flavored with age

The Harping Index

Years since I was able to stay up past midnight without suffering from at least five debilitating ailments the next day: 3

Estimated number of times I have stayed up past midnight since that time: 432

Number of days of leisure and sloth I hoped to have this week after having given up on updating my web site daily : 7

Number of days of leisure and sloth I have actually had in the last week: 0

Factor by which I am more likely to want to kick your ass if you behave abnormally in traffic while talking on a cell phone and piloting a sports utility vehicle: 3.7

Factor by which I am more likely to want to kick your ass if, in addition to the abovementioned factors, you have a vanity plate on your vehicle: 47.0

Average number of American citizens who evince any interest when I mention my passion for Filipino inkers of the 1970s: 132

Slogan of “Sport Clips”, a sports-themed hair salon featuring televised athletic events, buxom Hooters-style female stylists, and a men-only clubhouse atmosphere : “WHERE GUYS WIN”

Mission statement of “Sport Clips”, according to their website : “TO BE THE DOMINANT MALE HAIR-CARE CHAIN IN THE US”

Percentage of members of my household who would rather chew on chlorine-soaked steel wool than listen to the President speak: 50

Percentage of dissenters who are cats: 100

Rank of ‘Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper’ in best new soda flavors according to an independent poll of my refrigerator: 1

Rank of ‘Sprite Zero Tropical Remix’: 1,983

Estimated value of my comic book collection if you include a handful of rare Blackhawks from the early 1950s: $2,400

Estimated value of my comic book collection if you don’t include the Blackhawks: $14

Amount I would have made writing this entry if I were a vice-president at Tyco: $1,700,000

Number of comments this entry would have to receive in order to be my most-commented-upon post ever: 96

Number of comments I predict it will generate: 2
flavored with age

More fun with names in the news

AP: Ex-NBA Star's Mosque Named Probe

WASHINGTON - A mosque established and funded by basketball star Hakeem Olajuwon gave more than $80,000 to charities the government later determined to be fronts for the terror groups al-Qaida and Hamas, according to financial records obtained by The Associated Press.

Olajuwon told the AP he had not known of any links to terrorism when the donations were made, prior to the government's crackdown on the groups, and would not have given the money if he had known.

A Treasury Department spokeswoman, Molly Millerwise, declined to discuss Olajuwon's contributions but said, "In many cases donors are being unwittingly misled by the charities."


Damn. calamityjon, if you ever DO have a daughter named Brooklyn Rose, here's her sidekick/best friend...

Also, you know how Wal-Mart is always saying "It's not that we're ANTI-union; we would never interfere with the establishment of a union. It's just that our employees don't WANT unions." Yeah, well, not surprisingly, bullshit.