February 16th, 2005

flavored with age

Hot Leks

It's Jimmy Lileks time!
It's Jimmy Lileks time!
He is no friend of mine
His thoughts are not sublime!

First, a non-apology for making a big deal about a non-story:

SURE, IT'S BEEN WIDELY DISCREDITED, BUT YOU WON'T HEAR THAT FROM ME AS SUCH

Before I go, some of that famous Self-Correcting Blogosphere Stuff: I wrote a column awhile back about the German women required by welfare rules to take jobs in brothels.

EVEN THOUGH IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC AT HAND AND TURNED OUT NOT TO BE TRUE, I USED IT TO LIBEL AN ENTIRE CONTINENT

The column wasn’t about that specificially, but it [sic] used it as an example of those Wacky Europeans.

NOTE THAT THE "SOME" HE LINKS TO HERE IS THAT BASTION OF HONESTY, THE NATIONAL REVIEW

Turns out Snopes says nay. But some have their doubts.

SO REALLY, IT'S THEIR FAULT, NOT MINE, AND SO THERE'S NO NEED FOR ME TO DEVELOP A SENSE OF SHAME

I would be abashed for using the story, but it came from the Telegraph, for heaven’s sake, not Predatory Bird Claw News Network.

Next up: Jimmy puts his nose where it don't knows.

BOY, I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING

Oh: I mentioned yesterday that I wrote a column on Intelligent Design.

SEE? I'M A LIBERAL!

Basic point: I don’t think schools should be required to teach it. No.

THAT'S FAIR, RIGHT? AND WOULDN'T ENGLISH CLASSES PROFIT FROM THE OCCASIONAL HONEST EXAMINATION OF THIS SUBJECT-PREDICATE BUSINESS?

But science classes might profit from the occasional discussion hour where students get to speculate about these things.

THE...THE INTELLECTUAL EMOTIONS? DO WHAT NOW?

I’ve never thought evolution was in conflict with the idea of a Maker, but that’s just me; everyone tries to square the Mysteries of the Universe with the intellectual emotions that give them a sense of satisfaction and completeness

YOU'VE LOST ME, JIMMY

so if you come up with a cosmological model that feels satisfying, you should worry.

PUBLIC EDUCATION SHOULD BE ALTERED TO ACCOMODATE MY FAILURE OF IMAGINATION

That said, I can easily understand how some see God everywhere in creation, and somewhat baffled by those who see God nowhere.

THIS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH INTELLIGENT DESIGN, I AM SURE

I admit it’s hard to square the idea of an intervening diety with human suffering – why didn’t He stop the tsunamis?

UH...YEAH, IT'S LIKE SAYING THAT, I GUESS

But that’s like saying that the existence of an intact anthill in Rio disproves the existence of my left foot, when it might mean I just haven’t had the chance to get on a plane to Brazil and kick the thing over.

SATAN, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS AN APPLESCRIPT KIND OF GUY

I don’t trouble myself with the micro aspect of theology, since God would seem to be a Macro kind of guy.

NO WORD YET ON WHETHER JIMMY THINKS WE SHOULD HAVE AN HOUR TO DISCUSS THE NOTION THAT RIGHTS ARE ENTIRELY ILLUSORY, OR THAT ALL POWER SHOULD REST IN THE HANDS OF A COMMUNIST DICTATOR, OR THAT WE SHOULD ONLY HAVE THOSE RIGHTS THAT THE DARK ELVES OF MAGUDAH ARE WILLING TO GRANT US

My only point is that leaving speculative discussions out of science – if only one class, once a year – is like teaching kids about the Constitution without having an hour to discuss whether rights are granted by man or inherently endowed by a creator.
flavored with age

It's GODWIN'S LAW DAY!

Yes, today is Feb. 16th. And of course, you all know what day that is. Yes, it's the day before you can get bomb-diggy free chicken at McDonald's, but it's also GODWIN'S LAW DAY!

Godwin's Law is the famous internet maxim that states that once the first Hitler/Nazi comparison is made, the argument, whatever it's about, is effectively over. But once a year, on February 16th, all the little boys and girls are allowed to violate Godwin's Law as often as they like, and get free ribbon candy!

For those recent immigrants celebrating this sacred holiday for the first time, here are some examples of how you might violate Godwin's Law throughout the course of the day.

1. "Time to go to work already? This is worse than being sent to the gas chambers at Sobibor!"

2. "This overpriced, watery coffee I got at White Hen is like Hitler!"

3. "If Bill makes me put together another one of those sales presentations, it'll be Krystallnacht all over again."

4. "Of course you want those blueprints by 11:00. So did Hitler!"

5. "Your plan to go to Subway for lunch instead of Wendy's is exactly now Nazi Germany got started."

6. "Sure, now you're just asking me to put in some overtime, but the next step? Death camps."

7. "Jenny, if you don't finish your homework by supper, you will be morally indistinguishable from Heinrich Himmler, and I will be forced to sentence you to death by hanging."

8. "Not since the horrors of the Eastern Front has there been pain, deprivation and suffering like I am experiencing at being told that there's not enough Chicken Marengo for me to have seconds."

9. "Did you see in the paper that the Knicks lost? Just like the German army lost when they decided to mount a winter offensive against Russia?"

10. "Well, you better GET in the mood, or you are ten billion times worse than Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini combined."

Happy Godwin's Law Day!
flavored with age

GEBURTSTAG!

Happy birthday to mckennl, my second-favorite McKenna in all the world! In honor of your special day, Lizabelle, here are three pictures:







(EDITED BECAUSE ORIGINAL FIRST PICTURE WAS FRIENDS-PAGE-DESTROYINGLY GIGANTIC)