February 17th, 2005

flavored with age

Lilexicon Devil

Women, especially women who are feminists, especially women who are feminists and have children, especially women who are feminists and have children and are my girlfriend ninafarina, will not want to miss today's Bleat, a surefire bile-raiser where he responds to the Newsweek cover story about supermom syndrome by saying (among other, slightly more sensible things) that (a) hey, women, GET OVER IT, life is tough; (b) anyone who suggests that increased government aid to families, or even a recognition that child-raising is an important social responsibility that we do ourselves a disservice by ignoring, is a dirty French Euroweenie commie; (c) chicks are more prone to stress out over bullshit than dudes and why should we act like that's a big problem?; and (d) instead of crazy ideas like lowering the middle-income tax rate at the expense of rich people in order to alleviate the costs of child-raising, or encouraging tax subsidies that would allow business to adopt family-friendly policies, people should just raise their kids like HE does, which shouldn't be a problem because, I mean, every household has at least one stay-at-home parent, right?.

Rather than delve too deeply into that, though (after all, says Lileks, "I'm a guy, and probably have no standing here", before sneering at the whole notion of questioning gender roles and childrearing theories and saying that if his bleat is seen as anti-woman, well, "can't help that"). Instead, I'll stick to my specialty -- scoffing at Jimmy's dopey pop-cultural pronouncements:

"'Bullet Hits the Bone', Golden Earring", he writes, misidentifying the title of the classic rock staple. "Sorry, but I always liked that song; it’s like a little Miami Vice episode in one long tune." Astoundingly, he seems to mean this as a compliment.
flavored with age

Deez Nooooooooooz

BUSH NOMINATES NEGROPONTE AS INTEL CHIEF
Nominee vows days as death-squad apologist are behind him

SHIITES WIN MAJORITY OF NEW IRAQ ASSEMBLY
Iran said pleased with election results

JEWISH SETTLERS PREPARE FOR WITHDRAWAL
Sharon: "Next time for sure, we'll use a condom"

HARIRI'S FAMILY DEMANDS PROBE INTO KILLING
Maine remembered

U.S. JOBLESS CLAIMS DROP TO FOUR-YEAR LOW
Bush touts economic policies as less incompetent than ever

MONARCH BUTTERFLIES ON DECLINE IN MEXICO
A nation struggles to care

MICHAEL JACKSON RECOVERING, LEAVES HOSPITAL
Will meet with lawyers to determine further methods of delaying trial

N.H.L. HOPES TO HAVE HOCKEY NEXT SEASON
Canadians heartened; Americans look forward to NFL mock drafts

U.S. AGENCIES GET D-PLUS ON CYBER-SECURITY
Tell American public "They have this whole new system for grades now"; note that it's a D-plus

CHINA'S HELP SOUGHT ON NORTH KOREA TALKS
Intervention on brutal dictatorship requires assistance of slightly less brutal dictatorship
flavored with age

How to kill, er, be a radio consultant

CLASSICAL MUSIC. Requirements: Hosts with fake Continental accents and at least 75 years of broadcast experience. Complete lack of listeners. Buxtehude, Buxtehude, Buxtehude.

CLASSIC ROCK. Requirements: dedicated group of aging boomers who insist on not hearing anything recorded after they got their first job. Core advertiser base, all located in the suburbs. Automated disc jockey who is programmed to play the same six songs.

COLLEGE RADIO. Requirements: six-watt broadcasting tower located on roof of chemistry lab. Staff of 19-year-old DJs who have just now discovered techno. No advertisements, which you say is because you're independent but is really because your key demo doesn't have any money.

LIGHT ROCK/ADULT CONTEMPORARY. Requirements: Fanatical devotion to the bland, inoffensive and utterly familiar. Broad-based appeal to secretaries, receptionists, and dental technicians alike. Ability to manifest pride when referred to as "the hold-music station".

NEWS RADIO. Requirements: brittle, bitter-sounding middle-aged woman to read AP wire reports. Weather updates every 27 seconds, even if you are located in the American southwest. Tie-wearing speed freak to rattle off stock ticker data at regular intervals.

PUBLIC RADIO. Requirements: Core staff of dedicated, hardworking, well-educated hosts whose voices were made for silent cinema. Man with hand-held digital recorder and passion for Zimbabwean toe puppets. Collection of records not peppy enough for the smooth jazz station.

SMOOTH JAZZ. Requirements: Collection of artists who never, ever play anything polyrhythmic, distorted, atonal or off-key. Logo featuring saxophone with rainbow coming out of it. Dedicated fan base of cabbies and 24-hour restauranteurs.

SPORTS RADIO. Requirements: Plenty of ad dollars from strip clubs, male enhancement drugs, and places that sell chicken wings. Exclusive broadcast rights to local high school football. Morning and evening talk show hosts who are white, male, over 300 pounds each, and utterly contemptuous of women.

TALK RADIO. Requirements: Investment of large chunks of money in call screeners. Keely developed sense of pandering. Bravery and courage required to play the same five right-wing ideologues that every other talk radio station in America broadcasts for four hours a day each.

TOP 40. Requirements: ClearChannel ownership. Ruthless devotion to the advertiser. Willingness to accept payola regardless of its source.