February 22nd, 2005

flavored with age


This is a poll about food.

But it's not about GOOD food. It's not about haute cuisine. It's not a foodie poll or a gourmet poll. It's not a poll about even the approximations of good food that a lot of us make at home. It's about crappy junk food. If you never eat crappy junk food, or you like to pretend you never eat it, please be encouraged to skip this poll.

There is a theory, in most cuisines both high and low, that certain things "go" with other things: Steak goes with potatoes. Soup goes with salad. White wine goes with fish. Pasta, inexplicably, goes with bread.

What is less discussed, but still noted by me, is that this theory extends downward -- that for whatever reason, be it childhood association, quirk of the taste buds, or highly complex high-and-low theory -- many people of my acquaintance believe that certain beverages and sides "go" with even street-corner junk food. That is, while they will always order fries and a Coke with a burger, they will often order another and particular beverage and/or side when they get a different type of fast food item. I'd prefer not to say what these are for fear of influencing the voting, but I know more than a few people who will order a particular beverage when they get a particular type of fast food -- and will never drink that beverage under any other circumstance.

Now, maybe my friends are just freaks. Maybe this isn't any kind of cuisine equivalent of local dialect. Maybe there's no cultural trend at work. Maybe the vast majority of you just order fries and a Coke no matter what you're eating. But I aims ta find out. TAKE OUR TEST!

(EDIT: Note that due to my morning grogginess, there are typos in the poll, so assume that each food-type should ask what (a) drink and (b) side goes with that item. Stupid LJ and its inability to edit polls.)

Poll #442134 The Best or Possibly Worst Food Poll Ever

Are there certain side and drink options that "go" with certain fast foods?

Yes (continue with poll)
No (do not continue with poll)
This is the stupidest poll ever
This is the stupidest poll ever, but yes
This is the stupidest poll ever, and no

What side item "goes" with a hamburger?

What side item "goes" with a hamburger?

What drink option "goes" with hot dogs?

What side item "goes" with hot dogs?

What drink option "goes" with seafood (Long John Silver's, etc.)?

What side item "goes" with seafood (Long John Silver's, etc.)?

What drink option "goes" with Mexican food (Taco Bell, etc.)?

What side item "goes" with Mexican food (Taco Bell, etc.)?

What drink option "goes" with chicken (KFC, etc.)?

What side item "goes" with chicken (KFC, etc.)?

What drink option "goes" with Chinese food?

What side item "goes" with Chinese food?

What side item "goes" with a submarine sandwich/grinder/hoagie/hero?

What side item "goes" with a submarine sandwich/grinder/hoagie/hero?

flavored with age

In non-poll news

1. Man, am I having fun working on my two big current writing projects. I feel a huge amount of self-inflicted guilt for letting my log suffer, and who knows if either of these will go anywhere, but I have to say they're a blast to write.

2. My roommate thaitea is illin' today, possibly because of a sandwich I brought her yesterday. Wish her good health if you have a moment.

3. Lileks today: ha ha, I didn't even bother to read him! That guy is an asshole.

4. I think I'm overusing the word "awesome", if such a thing is possible. (Brendan Wetherbee, in his piece Saturday night at the Quimby's reading for Sanitary & Ship, vowed that, just as President Bush used the word "freedom" 28 times in his inauguration speech, he would used the word "awesome" 50 times in his.) I need a new word, and I feel like I'm kinda over "crippling". So I'm thinking about "poultry". Like "Dude, this is so poultry!". I dunno. It's just a trial balloon.

5. The Swift Boat Veterans for Peace are back, and despite the claim that they're NOT a front organization for the G.O.P., they've decided to focus their wrath (and still-massive coffers) on, of all things, the AARP. Because, apparently, opposing social security privatization is an affront to all Viet Nam War naval veterans everywhere. Leaving aside the theoretical headache this gave me, and leaving aside the clear indicator of how goddamn cocky the Republican hatchetmen are feeling these days (as a rule, attacking the AARP is like crossing the NRA; it's political suicide, the equivalent of attacking Russia in winter), I wondered: what could they possible use to attack the AARP? What are they gonna do, accuse every retiree in America of lying about their war record?

Of course, I was hopelessly naive. When I saw the first SBVfT-sponsored internet ad, I realized that they'll just use the same slander that seems to work against everybody, the same target that (now that blacks and women are generally off limits) everyone can agree to hate: homos. Yes, the first attack ad accuses the American Association of Retired Persons of being anti-war and pro-faggot! It features a banner reading "WHAT THE A.A.R.P. REALLY WANTS", and then the following graphics:

- A shot of an American soldier in full Desert Storm camo, with a big red X superimposed over him. NO! NO SOLDIERS!

- A shot of two men in tuxedos, presumably at (their own) wedding, kissing, with a big green checkmark superimposed over them. YES! YES TO GAY MARRIAGE!

(EDIT: See the ridiculous anti-AARP ad here.)

Of course it was at this point that my head exploded. So I am no longer able to think about whether this will actually work (on the one hand, America's elderly hardly seem to be the demographic most likely to be pro-gay marriage, and I've never once heard the AARP make a pro-gay marriage stand; on the other hand, the right has had great success in slandering people and groups with accusations that have absolutely no basis in reality; on the other other hand, attacking the veteran-rich AARP as being somehow anti-military is risky to such a huge degree I'm almost praying it blows up in their face; and on the other other other hand, they seem able to get away with pretty much anything these days because, after all, four legs good, two legs baaaaaaad, right?).

But one thing is for sure: "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" is too limiting a title for them now, what with their wide-ranging new agenda. I think they should go for an official name change. Some possibilities:

(a) Swift Boat Veterans For Non-Swift Boat Veterans
(b) Swift Boat Veterans For Social Security "Reform"
(c) Swift Boat Veterans For Whatever Karl Rove Tells Us to Be For
(d) Swift Boat Veterans For Slandering Old People
(e) Swift Boat Veterans Against Men Kissing