from Upsizing Shakespeare: Reshaping the Bard for a New Generation by Hairston Miller-Keyes (Dutton, 2004)
As You Love It BacMeth The Comedy of Arrows Cooliolanus Cowbelline Hesher for Hesher Henry the IV, V, VI & VIII Parts 1, 2 & 3 vs. King John-Richard II & III: History Smackdown! Julius Caesar Cut Love’s Management Lost Marc Antony and Cleopatra The Merchant of Venice Beach The Merry Wives Who Windsurf Mickey’s Little King Lear A Midsummer Night’s Dreamweaver Moons Over My Hamlet Oil Well That Ends Well Othella Pericles, Prince of Yokohama Tyres (George) Romero and Juliette (Lewis) Taming of the ‘Shrooms The Tempest Emulator Timon and Pumbaa of Athens Titties Androgynous Toyota Cressida Twelfth Episode of Knight Rider Two Gentleman with Big Gonads A Winter’s Tail
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO PUT JOKE ANSWERS MOST OF THE TIME: 2
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO BECAME FRUSTRATED AT THE LENGTH OF THE QUIZ ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH: 1
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO SEEMED TO MISUNDERSTAND THE WHOLE POINT OF THE QUIZ AND JUST PUT THE SAME DRINK AND SIDE FOR EVERY CATEGORY: 2
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO KINDLY FILLED OUT THE QUIZ EVEN THOUGH THEY FAMOUSLY HATE FAST FOOD AND NEVER EAT IT: 1
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T LIKE THE CATEGORIES AND INVENTED THEIR OWN: 2
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO POINTED OUT THAT I SCREWED UP THE POLL EVEN THOUGH I ADDED A DISCLAIMER AND INSTRUCTIONS AND COULDN’T EDIT THE POLL EVEN IF I’D WANTED TO: 5
NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS THE DUMBEST POLL EVER: 6
TOP THREE DRINK CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “HAMBURGER”: Coke/Diet Coke/Cherry Coke (29%); beer (10%); milkshake (10%). TOP THREE SIDE CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “HAMBURGER”: French fries (75%); onion rings (21%); joke answer (4%)
TOP THREE DRINK CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “HOT DOG”: Coke/Diet Coke/Pepsi (31%); beer/alcohol (31%); root beer (12%) TOP THREE SIDE CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “HOT DOG”: none (32%); chips (26%); French fries/tater tots (21%)
TOP THREE DRINK CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “SEAFOOD”: beer/wine/alcohol (34%); Coke/Diet Coke (28%); tea (22%) TOP THREE SIDE CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “SEAFOOD”: hush puppies (34%); fries/potato wedges/’crisps’ (28%); coleslaw (17%)
TOP THREE DRINK CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “MEXICAN”: beer (27%); Dr. Pepper/Mr. Pibb (27%); Coke/Diet Coke (25%) TOP THREE SIDE CHOICES FOR CATEGORY “MEXICAN”: tortilla chips/corn chips/nachos (47%); rice (24%); five-way tie for third place
TOP THREE DRINK SELECTIONS FOR CATEGORY “CHICKEN”: Coke/Diet Coke/Pepsi (32%); beer (21%); tea (21%) TOP THREE SIDE SELECTIONS FOR CATEGORY “CHICKEN”: biscuit (29%); mashed potatoes (25%); coleslaw (17%)
TOP THREE DRINK SELECTIONS FOR CATEGORY “CHINESE”: tea (39%); beer (22%); water (22%) TOP THREE SIDE SELECTIONS FOR CATEGORY “CHINESE”: rice (50%); crab Rangoon (15%); egg roll (15%)
TOP THREE DRINK SELECTIONS FOR CATEGORY “COLD CUT SANDWICH”: Coke/Diet Coke (45%); tea (17%); beer (17%) TOP THREE SIDE SELECTIONS FOR CATEGORY “COLD CUT SANDWICH”: chips (67%); none (17%); four-way tie for third place
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