Teen twins undergo gastric bypass surgery
HOW THIS JIBES WITH THE WAR IN IRAQ AND THE DEATH PENALTY, I'M NOT SURE
WASHINGTON - President Bush on Thursday urged the country to honor Terri Schiavo's memory by working to "build a culture of life"
SHOW TRIAL! SHOW TRIAL!
while House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said "the men responsible for this" will be called to account.
WHEN CONGRESS PASSES A LAW, THE JOB OF A JUDGE IS TO ENFORCE IT, NOT ASK A BUNCH OF STUPID QUESTIONS ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT IT CONTRAVENES OTHER LAWS OR VIOLATES THE CONSTITUTION OR WHATEVER
DeLay appeared to condemn judges who at both the state and federal level declined to order that Schiavo be kept alive artificially.
OH, THERE WILL BE A RECKONING! JUST, YOU KNOW, NOT NOW
"This loss happened because our legal system did not protect the people who need protection most, and that will change," the Texas Republican said. "The time will come for the men responsible for this to answer for their behavior, but not today."
WITH GOD'S HELP, NO ONE WILL EVER BE IN A COMA AGAIN
"Today we grieve, we pray, and we hope to God this fate never befalls another."
UNLESS THEY'RE POOR, OR BLACK
Bush said that "the strong have a duty to protect the weak."
I HAD TO LOOK THESE WORDS UP
"I appreciate the example of grace and dignity they have displayed at a difficult time," Bush said.
NONEXISTENT THOUGH IT MAY HAVE BEEN
"Terri's will to live should serve as an inspiration and impetus for action," House Judiciary Chairman James Sensenbrenner said.
DEMOCRATS ELECT NOT TO UPSET THE PUBLIC BY EXPRESSING VIEWS CONTRARY TO THOSE OF RULING PARTY
By contrast, in the hours immediately after Schiavo's death, Democrats — who have treaded carefully in the case for fear of getting clobbered on the "values" issues that hurt them in last year's elections — mostly kept a low profile.
So, I've been thinking about a career change, to better provide for my gal. Do you think I'm too old to become a professional assassin? The literature makes it sound like interesting work, but I can't help thinking it's a young man's game.
Well, the people have spoken, and they've said that April's icon set should be: CRAP SINGERS. I realize that half, if not all, of the fun of this is going to be seeing what I come up with to fill the crap criterion, and that I'm going to get yelled at a lot for it. Fine. A few ground rules:
1. Originally, these were going to be all really famous guys. But instead, I threw in a few non-ringers, guys who are less famous if not non-famous just for the sake of variety. However, it was hard: everyone can identify well-known crap singers (it's impossible to not know about Billy Joel, for example, no matter how much you might try and avoid him), but lesser-known crap singers are easy enough to simply not listen to, so it's harder to remember the people you don't like if they aren't accompanied by media hype and overexposure. So, apologies in advance for the relative predictability of these choices.
2. I've tried for a certain degree of variety in time, style, and offensiveness, but all of these people ruined, or at least tried to ruin, major genres of music that I, as a rule, enjoy. They've all produced music that I do not like listening to, and they've all additionally behaved in ways that have irritated me. I've mixed them up so you get people who are just now starting on their long career journeys of producing shitty music, and people who have been producing shitty music for as long as five decades.
3. I welcome your comments but not your abuse. Fuck all haters of my hate.
Click for the full set, presented in roughly chronological order.