April 4th, 2005

flavored with age


Today's Ludic Log: the 2005 Crappys! Yes, I finally updated, and it's a doozy, with pictures and links and my yearly assesment of the worst food on the market. It's laden with typos, and it's all for you.
flavored with age


It's opening day! For the first time in about a decade, I won't actually be able to attend the White Sox home opener (due to a punishing work schedule and hoarding of vacation days for my upcoming San Francisco trip with ninafarina), which is a big drag, but at least I'll be able to listen to the game on the radio, and there's 161 more to come. At least some of which I will be able to attend, and at least one of which I intend to drag Li'l' Duce to in order to brainwash her with green grass, cracking bats and mountains of junk food.

Anyway, in lieu of an apres-game live report, I offer you this rundown of interesting facts and "facts" about the opening day roster of my beloved, hapless Chicago White Sox, the Team That Time Forgot.

C A.J. Pierzynski (Bridgehampton, NY): "Pierzynski" is Polish for "Pierce".
1B Paul Konerko (Providence, RI): Paul is pretty good-looking for a guy with a bald spot.
2B Tadahito Iguchi (Tokyo, Japan): Tadahito thinks Lost in Translation was overrated.
3B Joe Crede (Jefferson City, MO): Joe's last name is not pronounced like the shitty band.
SS Juan Uribe (Bani, Dominican Republic): went to college and majored in Twix.
LF Scott Podsednik (West, TX): no, not West Texas -- West, Texas.
CF Aaron Rowand (Portland, OR): describes himself as a "male lesbian trangendered queer trapped in a woman's spirit in a man's body".
RF Jermaine Dye (Vacaville, CA): famous for breaking his leg several times.
DH Carl Everett (Tampa, FL): Carl is renowned throughout the leage for being batshit crazy.

C Chris Widger (Wilmington, DE): Chris is very, very boring.
1B Ross Gload (Brooklyn, NY): Represent! Bo bo bo! Brooklyn -- what?!?
2B Pablo Ozuna (Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic): Was the inspiration for "A.K.A. Pablo".
CF Willie Harris (Cairo, GA): Willie Harris was named after John Henry, only Willie instead of John and Harris instead of Henry.
RF Timo Perez (Juan Baron Palenque, Dominican Republic): comes from the longest city in North America.

SP Mark Buehrle (St. Charles, MO): really is burly.
SP Freddy Garcia (Caracas, Venezuela): spends all his free time trying to think of things that rhyme with "Caracas".
SP Orlando Hernandez (Havana, Cuba): wonders whatever happened to Claire Danes.
SP Jose Contreras (Las Martinas, Cuba): brought in to give El Duque someone to complain about Castro with.
SP Jon Garland (Valencia, CA): is afraid of oranges after viewing The Godfather eight times in a row.

CL Shingo Takatsu (Hiroshima, Japan): nicknamed "Mr. Zero" because he enjoys flying planes into buildings as part of a suicide mission.

RP Damaso Marte (Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic): sells quack hangover cures over the internet.
RP Luis Vizcaino (Bani, Dominican Republic): was forcibly kidnapped and made mayor of Lima, OH against his will in 1996.
RP Dustin Hermanson (Springfield, OH): lives right next door to the Simpsons.
RP Cliff Politte (St. Louis, MO): nickname is "ImPolitte" due to atrocious table manners.
RP Neal Cotts (Belleville, IL): a local boy made good, or, more accurately, a local boy made bad.
flavored with age


Boy, I can't wait to see who's nerd enough to answer this one. By the way, picking certain answers means you are an idiot, so use caution.

Poll #467801 If no one answers it, is it a poll?

What is the best song on the soundtrack to "Popeye"?

'I'm Popeye the Sailor Man'
'I Am What I Am'
'He Needs Me'
'Everything is Food'
'Sail with Me'
'Swee'pea's Lullaby'
'Blow Me Down'
'I'm Mean'
'He's Large'
'It's Not Easy Bein' Me'
I've never seen the movie
I've seen the movie and all the songs in it suck
Every time I think you've posted the stupidest poll of all time you have to go and top yourself