June 29th, 2005

flavored with age

What I Learned From Yesterday's Politics Poll

1. More people than I thought identify as economically conservative, which leads me to wonder if we are defining the term differently, or just if a lot of libertarians read my journal.

2. Nobody, but nobody, will admit to voting for George W. Bush. (Where's fidelity_astro when I need him?)

3. The neo-populist notion that liberals are elitist and/or wimpy has a few adherents 'round these parts.

4. Canadians continue to be tolerant and forgiving of my Yankeecentric ways.

5. No one gives Genghis Khan any credit. HE SLAUGHTERED A THIRD OF THE POPULATION OF EURASIA, PEOPLE.

6. The ratio of people who were liberal but have become more conservative to those who were conservative but have become more liberal is far closer than I would have guessed, and seems to delineate along age lines: young people seem more likely to transition to liberalism, while older people become more conservative.

7. Either everyone's loved ones are more conservative than they are, or no one will admit that their loved ones are more liberal.

8. Only one respondent would own up to not voting.

9. People who did not select "I try to stay informed about political affairs" are more likely to self-identify as conservative.

10. I have no future as a pollster.
flavored with age

Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything? Gimme some money!

Forbidden Subjects Poll Week continues; today's topic, by special request of mckennl*, is money. I anticipate a record for evasive answers in this one. Tomorrow: RACE!**

Poll #522713 Money makes the world go 'round, so drink it down, you stupid clown

Got any money?

I was gonna ask YOU if YOU had any money
4(6.7%)
Nah, man, I'm broke and it ain't no joke
9(15.0%)
I get by
25(41.7%)
I have money, yeah
7(11.7%)
Rich! I'm rich! Don't look directly at me, puny impoverished scum!
0(0.0%)
Maybe I have money, maybe I don't
2(3.3%)
No, but I know where I can get some
0(0.0%)
What's it to you?
0(0.0%)
None of your goddamn business
2(3.3%)
How much you need?
1(1.7%)
I hate money
0(0.0%)
I hate MAKING money, but I like HAVING money
8(13.3%)
What is this, a shakedown?
0(0.0%)
I get all I need from my kind old Uncle Sucker
0(0.0%)
I'm not sure, but now I have that stupid Pink Floyd song running through my head
2(3.3%)

How would you categorize your family's socioeconomic class?

Top class/upper-upper class
0(0.0%)
Rich/middle-upper class
1(1.7%)
Wealthy/lower-upper class
2(3.3%)
Comfortable/upper-middle class
11(18.3%)
Bourgeoise/middle-middle class
21(35.0%)
Average/lower-middle class
15(25.0%)
Working-class/upper-lower class
6(10.0%)
Poor/middle-lower class
4(6.7%)
Bottom class/lower-lower class
0(0.0%)
Silly boy, there's no classes in America
0(0.0%)

Have you/will you achieve generational mobility? That is, are you/will you be better off financially than your parents?

Yes, I have already achieved generational mobility
6(10.0%)
Yes, I anticipate achieving generational mobility
9(15.0%)
No, I have already failed to achieve generational mobility
16(26.7%)
No, I anticipate failing to achieve generational mobility
21(35.0%)
Don't know/can't tell/other
8(13.3%)

Are you rich?

Yes
0(0.0%)
No
44(73.3%)
Maybe
1(1.7%)
Wealth is relative
15(25.0%)
None of your goddamn business
0(0.0%)

What makes someone rich?

Annual income of $100,000 or more
8(13.3%)
Annual income of $500,000 or more
12(20.0%)
Net worth of $1,000,000 or more
2(3.3%)
Net worth of $10,000,000 or more
2(3.3%)
Being in the top 10% of income earners
2(3.3%)
Being in the top 5% of income earners
1(1.7%)
Not having to work/being able to live off of inheritance, investment income, trust fund, savings, etc.
10(16.7%)
Membership in the Republican Party
0(0.0%)
Paying the highest marginal tax rate
0(0.0%)
Owning property
4(6.7%)
A rich person is a person who has more money than I do
4(6.7%)
I don't know for sure, but I know it when I see it
2(3.3%)
Wealth is relative to one's environment and economic outlook
9(15.0%)
This question is unanswerable
1(1.7%)
I'm not sure, but I know you ain't rich, fat boy
3(5.0%)

Will you/did you inherit money as a result of the death of a family member?

I will/did inherit a huge amount of money (over $1,000,000 USD)
0(0.0%)
I will/did inherit a substantial amount of money (over $100,000 USD)
6(10.0%)
I will/did inherit some money (over $10,000 USD)
9(15.0%)
I will/did inherit a small amount of money (over $1,000 USD)
12(20.0%)
I will/did inherit an insignificant amount of money (between $1 and $1,000 USD)
4(6.7%)
I will/did inherit nothing from my family
6(10.0%)
My parents' death will/did COST me money, not MAKE me money
11(18.3%)
I have no family, you BASTARD
0(0.0%)
This question is staggeringly inappropriate
2(3.3%)
Don't know/don't care/won't say/can't say
10(16.7%)

How long could you go without working?

Until lunchtime
10(16.7%)
A day
8(13.3%)
A week to two weeks
15(25.0%)
A month
5(8.3%)
Several months
12(20.0%)
A year
2(3.3%)
Pretty much as long as I wanted
2(3.3%)
I don't work
4(6.7%)
What is this 'work' you speak of?
1(1.7%)
Does crime count as work?
1(1.7%)


*: Sorry, Lizabelle, no room for the "Have you ever borrowed money from your parents?" question, with my rule of seven questions per. There's always your LJ...

**: Sorry, tamisevens and moondispatches, no polls about shitting. Except, perhaps, in a metaphorical sense.
flavored with age

A few of my favorite excerpts from Shalom Auslander's "365 Reasons to Kill Yourself This Year"

6. The creeping suspicion that victims' families on the news are faking their grief.

14. If there is a commercial video of the Columbine shooting, that means there was also an editing session for the Columbine video and a soundtrack session for the Columbine video, and someone had to name the Columbine video, and some people stood around deciding on the box-cover layouts for the Columbine video.

29. When you die and go to Heaven, everyone who ever lived will be walking around having cocktails and
hors d'oeuvres and introducing themselves, and when they say "Oh, what time period are you from?" and you say "Early twenty-first-century America", everyone will laugh.

84. People actually prefer the no-talent, pedophiliacal sexuality of FOX's Teen Choice awards to the violence and mayhem of the
Source Hip-Hop Music Awards.

88. Cameras at political conventions playing Find The Colored Guy.

101. The cynicism that has gripped the younger voters of this country stubbornly refuses to grip the older voters of this country.

127. The suggestion that Tiger Woods' success at an exorbitantly expensive game requiring miles of immaculately manicured lawns will help urban black kids living twelve to a room.

186. Marketing executives at a major New York firm hold regular "Teen Immersion Meetings", at which employees dress up and act like teenagers and make presentations to the staff to "get into the head of today's youth".

225. A two-hour show at New York's Fashion Week that was dedicated to displaying this year's hot teenage fashions -- which invariably cause teenage girls to feel depressed and miserable because not only can't they afford the clothes, they can't fit into them anyway, and all their friends now hate them, so they start cutting themselves in the bathroom with razors and vomiting after all their meals -- was called "Girls Rule!".

268. Anti-establishment Harley-Davidsons that cost $23,000.

269. Compassion for nonhumans greater than compassion for actual humans.

294. American dignitaries visiting a province in Peru refused to be photographed near its Incan flag because it too closely resembled the Gay Pride banner.

362. The deep personal shame you experience when you realize you've just been walking down the street humming a GAP commercial.

363. It has been a really long time since we actually heard from God.

365. Next year.