July 13th, 2005

flavored with age

Move dis!

Well, it looks like we got a new apartment. Not completely -- it isn't ours 'til we put down the deposit on Friday -- but we called to confirm after spending several hours agonizing over micropoints about which place was better. Anyway, the new place is five doors down from where we live now, which should make for an easy move. It's got central heat and air, a nice little sun room up front, a big kitchen, a rear storage room, and snazzy new fixtures. The landlord lives in the building, and when we met him, he was wearing an N.W.O. Red t-shirt.

Today: more packing. Much, much more packing.
flavored with age

NEWS OF THE WORLD

Deranged fundamentalists and greedy developers team up to annihilate Saudi Arabian histrory.

Massachusetts town ends 72 years of sobriety with overpriced vodka tipple.

LAPD kills toddler, says father was no great shakes; child probably better off dead anyway.

Chicago leads the nation in ease of robbery.

President vows to stick by right-hand scumbag.

SPECIAL NEWS BONUS: More super-vital "USA Today Snapshots" questions!

Who are the healthiest eaters?

What is America's favorite ice cream flavor?

Do American sports fans attend many events?

What is the racial, ethnic mix in sports jobs?

What states are enamored with tennis?

Can stay-at-home parents restart their careers?

Do most gamblers hit the jackpot?

Are there enough people to knead when Americans need a massage?

Has the Web changed how we interact?

Has your music gone to the dogs?
flavored with age

Hillbilly crimewave!

SERGEANT’S DUTY LOG

Week ending 07/17/2005

31 incidents of jawin’ with intent to slanderfy.

26 incidents of reported sinful doin’s involving minors, blood kin, livestock and tree hollers

16 incidents of a-whoopin’ and a-hollerin’.

9 lynchings without a permit

8 incidents of Katie-bar-the-door Saturday night dust-ups.

6 incidents of ee-legal tar fars.

4 incidents of bootleggin’ shine without thems ain’t got no papers.

3 incidents of turnin’ a squirrel-iron on a revenuer.

1 attempted hold-up of that store down to the city where all the money is at.

1 incident of computer-aided wire fraud and international margin trading to conceal taxable investment income (that damn Hettieburg kid again)