July 21st, 2005

flavored with age

The Hipster Headhunt

oilyrags alerted me to this piece-of-shit article in the increasingly piece-of-shit LA Times (their head honcho is bowing out just in time). It's about obnoxious, trendy assholes who have suddenly discovered upon reaching 30 that it's not much fun being an obnoxious, trendy asshole, and are now focusing on being obnoxious, non-trendy assholes. Man, I'm neither fan nor defender of hipster culture, but this article is just wall-to-wall shitheads.

Some choice quotes:

And where "they talk about music like it's some revelation."

Yeah, what's revelatory about music? Who could possibly get any kind of emotional satisfaction, catharsis, or life-altering experience from something as trivial as music? Stupid hipsters.

The pretension and callowness finally got to her, and one night "I told my friends I can't do this anymore." She began exploring wine bars and jazz clubs in search of more fulfilling nightlife.

Good move, lady. If there's one surefire way to avoid insufferably pretentious people, it's to visit wine bars and jazz clubs. Two milieus entirely devoid of self-congratulary poseurs, are jazz and oenophilia.

A fashion-designer friend of Campbell's recently confessed that he was so overwhelmed by the endless barrage of new designer denim brands that he vowed to wear only classic Levi's 501s as a form of protest.

Wow, stick it to the Man! Martin Luther King Jr. would be so proud of this protest, wearing only one classic brand of expensive pants instead of several.

So if everybody's hip, then let's be unhip, and indeed, what a very hip idea.

This sentence makes me want to go on a killing spree. These are just a bunch of worthless poseurs who never realized what most clever people did at, oh, say, age 16: that store-bought coolness and trendwatching is a dead end, that the people who do it are jackoffs, and that you can easily formulate your own style if you have a shred of taste and independence. And now they're embracing THAT as if it's a brand new trend.

Last year she bought a cabin in the Angeles National Forest near Tujunga.

Hollywood people buying a "remote" cabin to get away from other Hollywood people: itself a completely played-out trend.

Lanham's follow-up, last year's "Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic," takes the parody a step further and includes a chapter on "cryptsters," or aging hipsters.

Man, you just KNEW they were going to quote Lanham (author of the insufferable Hipster Handbook in here, and his piece-of-shit books. For a guy who claims to hate hipster culture, he's the biggest trendoid in the universe: if he doesn't suck up every Williamsburg micro-trend by hoovering around clubs (all so he can "parody" them, you understand), he just makes them up -- he's a walking neologism machine. People who actually dislike the subcultures simply avoid them; he hides his desperate quest for authenticity behind a pose of parody as played as the pose of coolness.

Adrienne Crew stops short of using a term such as "new sincerity"

Thank goodness. Because I already had the barrel in my mouth.

Crew, a 40-year-old attorney and "brainiac" writing a novel on African American geeks, is the founder of labrainterrain.com, a blog and calendar listing of intellectual events around L.A.

I love how all the alleged non-hipsters they interview are all (a) writing novels, (b) maintaining websites about neighborhood events -- nothing trendy about that!, and (c) maintaining blogs. I think there's an elephant in this room...

A growing trend she sees as a reaction to hipsterism is "granny chic," or social groups centered around archaic hobbies. Stitch and Bitch and The Church of Craft are two Los Angeles-based examples of groups that gather to work on quilting, needlework, paper craft and lace making — in unabashed earnestness.

Aaaand, of course, by talking about how cool it is, giving it a hip name, and coining a ridiculous term for it, it immediately becomes not a normal, private hobby, but rather a hipster enterprise that will be instantly targeted by marketers.

Bernbaum wonders if conservatism from the heartland may be infiltrating hipster-heavy metropolises, "making people seek out something more meaningful" in their lives.

Because, you see, liberals are incapable of developing meaningful lives.

Gah. What a waste. Worst feature writing since this thing (also from the LA Times) that calamityjon knocked down yesterday.
flavored with age

(no subject)

Lileks is no fun today. His screed is about how the kids today don't know what they're rebelling against, and how rappers don't use good grammar or spelling, and how the teevee has too many cuss words on it. It's like watching an old man die.

Instead, how about this? It seems Sudanese security forces beat the shit out of some of Condi Rice's entourage and a couple of reporters while she was paying a state visit. Aside from the meta-comedy involved (the US figuratively bullies the world, so the world literally bullies US citizens) and the accompanying photo of Sec. Rice with her default "someday I will piss on all your corpses, tiny fools" look, I think it's funny that she's so upset that they beat up some reporters, while back at home, the administration she represents is trying to make it easier to send reporters to jail. It takes different strokes to move the world, yes it does.
flavored with age

Big Night

Bored longtime readers of this journal may remember that this is one of my favorite things ever.

So let's do it again, shall we?

Finian's Rainbow Trout
The Codfather
A Bag of Chips Now
One from the Tart
Rumble Fish Sticks
The Cotton Club Sandwich
Garden Salads of Stone
Tucker: The Man and His Bream
The Grainbaker
The Virgin Soup 'n' Sides
Tossed in Translation

Mean Treats
Flaxseed Driver
American Soy
The Last Walnutz
After Hors D'Ouevres
The Last Temptation of Rice
Bringing Out the Bread
Crepe Fear
Pangs of New York
The Microwaviator

Roma, Città Affamato
I Cannelloni
La Dulse Vita
Ate and a Half
Juliet of the Spearmints
Fellini Saltyricon
Il Pastanova di Federico Fellini
Candied Ginger and Fred

Your move, creep.