July 28th, 2005

flavored with age

Five ways I dig my girlfriend

1. My birthday is coming up, and I'm thinking about getting her a present.

2. Any time anyone doesn't like her or gives her any hassle, I instantly want to enact a horrible revenge on them. Her bosses were convinced for a while that I was a gang member, and they're lucky I'm not, because they often fail to cut her sufficient slack and if I had a running crew, they'd long ago have been jacked in the parking lot and left for the storm crows.

3. I dig on her in a certain obvious way.

4. When I read the website of the literary magazine she edits, I think about what she must have thought when she selected each story, and what it might have reminded her of, and I think about recommending particular books to her even though I know she doesn't have time to read them. I have fantasies about hitting the lotto just so I can tell her to quit her job, take some time for herself, and read and write all day.

5. When I send her an e-mail, it gives me a dopey little frisson just to type out her name.

She's swell. You're all lucky that you get to live in the same world with her.
flavored with age

Bad TV choices of the walking dead

I bought the first season of 3rd Rock from the Sun, a show I didn't like when it originally premiered but which won me over largely by the stunning performances of its game cast, particularly the ultra-hammy, so-far-over-the-top-he-needs-oxygen John Lithgow as Dick. At first, I wondered if I'd have buyer's remorse -- for only four or five times what I paid for it, I could have gotten Deadwood -- but it's been on in the background while I pack and move, and damn it, it's just a solid, enjoyable sitcom, and I'm not sorry. Am I a fool? Then I'm a fool.

Bad news for Alias fans, which I know at least ninafarina and rum_holiday sorta are: Jennifer Garner's character, no spoilers intended, will be preggers next season, which almost automatically means the shark has not only been jumped but its fin is far, far away in the background, but also, they will be bringing in a newer, younger, hotter chick to do the heavy lifting of leaping about, kicking people in the head, and wearing tight revealing outfits. That means the shark has been jumped, re-jumped, and finally stuffed, mounted and placed on a low-rising display rack for ease of future jumping.

The worst TV-watching available lately has been baseball, alas. The White Sox, since returning in triumph from the All-Star Game with the best record in baseball, have apparently forgotten how to win ballgames and have remembered that they are the Chicago White Sox and the Chicago White Sox aren't supposed to be any good. While they're still eleven games ahead in the division and still (barely) the best team in baseball, they've followed up a sweep by the Athletics with a split with the Red Sox and a series loss to the lowly Royals. Some will bristle at my whining while my team has the best record in the majors, but even leaving aside the fact that the point now is not merely to win but to win against teams you might have to face in the playoffs, teams have collapsed and fallen out of contention later in the season than this. Boys need to remember how it was they stomped every team in baseball into a mudhole the first three months of the season, and get back to that stat. I'm not eager to end this season the same way I've ended the last 15 or so.
flavored with age

Memorable Quotes from "McCrunley VI: Gee, Your Corpse Smells Terrific"

McCrunley: Check under McCrunley -- party of .44.


Capt. Yeldig: Damn it, McCrunley, you can't just trash the Mayor's house like that!
McCrunley: Why not?
Capt. Yeldig: We have this little thing called the Constitution.
McCrunley: Never heard of it.
Capt. Yeldig: I don't have time for jokes, McCrunley.
McCrunley: I'm not joking.


Fast Jackson: Good work tracking down my gang, McCrunley. You made pretty short work of them. But you won't take me so easy.
McCrunley: I gotta disagree with you there, Fast Jackson.
Fast Jackson: I think you're forgetting one thing.
McCrunley: Yeah? What's that?
(Fast Jackson transforms into the Devil)
Fast Jackson: I'm really Satan, Lord of the Inferno, Dark Master of the Unnameable Legions of Hell!
McCrunley: I should have brought more bullets.


Mustolita: Oh, McCrunley!
McCrunley: What?
Mustolita: Even though you destroyed my home, killed my brother, and caused my son to fall off of a cliff, I love you! I love you!
McCrunley: Okay. Sure.


(last lines)
Capt. Yeldig: I don't get it, McCrunley.
McCrunley: Get what?