August 15th, 2005

flavored with age

The Battle of the Bands


Backed by a massive guitartillery barrage on Allied troops, Gen. Dietrich’s 6th “Eichmann Tina Turner” attacks throughout the Ardennes. Gen. Brandenberger’s “I Love You But I’ve Chosen Digger Harkness” pushes towards Luxembourg to secure the flank. The initial advance catches American troops unawares and many units are forced to surrender, but the advance is slowed when Lt. Gunter Ehrlich breaks a string at a critical moment of his solo.


The drop time for Operation Fuzzbox, a proposed drop of German paratroopers of the 12th SS Panzer Division “Peter Graves Digs Girls” led by Col. Friedrich von der Heydte, is delayed due to heavy snowstorms and Lt. Bruno von Kayser always bringing his nosey bitch girlfriend to practice. However, just after midnight, over a hundred Junkers transport planes carrying 1300 Fallschirmjagers launches the mission, vowing to ‘rock the socks’ off of Allied resistance. Although strong winds scatter the troops widely and nearly a dozen bass players forget to bring their new amp cords, the extensive dispersal of the troops lead to Allied misconceptions that a major division has landed in the Ardennes. Gen. Eisenhower is reported to be totally bummed and calls off practice to figure out where he’s at and shit.


Operation Mindblower (led by ‘the most dangerous man in Europe, Otto “Kaptain Keyboards” Skorzeny, and his “North Atlantic Titty Organization”) spreads chaos throughout the Allied lines when the battalion infiltrates the western front disguised as American soldiers. Disrupting communications, fomenting confusion, and utterly baffling Allied intelligence, Skorzeny’s men run rampant until Skorzeny is captured by a watchful Allied checkpoint tricks him with the question “What was the best Hüsker Dü album?”.


Pushing west into Belgium, the armored spearhead of the 6th SS Panzer Army, “Randolph Manteat”, encounters elements of the U.S. 285th Field Artillery Observation Battalion, “Single Bullshit Theory”. After a brief double-guitar speed-thrash battle, the Americans surrender, but in what will become known as the Malmédy Massacre, the German rockers continue to assault them with kick drums and catty comments about their choice of cover songs.


At the Battle of St. Vith, Gen. Bruce C. Clarke’s U.S. 26th Infantry Division “Batroc the Freeper” and 9th Armored Division “Sussudio-Intellectual” successfully repel the forces of Von Manteuffel and Dietrich. Although the Germans eventually gain victory with a blistering cover of “Angel of Death”, the fierce resistance, combined with their lead singer’s arrest on possession charges, represents a fatal blow to their timetable. By the time the happy-hour nickel hot wing special has ended, the German 13th Central Army, “When People Like Red Smed and the Hot to Trot Smash the System Boogie Band Were Shorter And Lived Near The Water And Were Known By the Trail of Dead”, is out of commission for the remainder of the war.
flavored with age


Hey, Chicago!

Hey, people I kinda know in Chicago who might possibly read this journal!

Can you act? Are you technically gifted? Do you think I'm funny? Are you willing to read things I wrote into a crummy digital microphone, or to help me turn those recoded things into a presentable audio whatnot? Do you know a goddamn thing about theatre?

If so, leave a comment here. I'm taking a handful of dialogue pieces I did for the Ludic Log and turning them into...something. Something you can see. Something maybe you can see. SOMETHING.

Details to come. Help me spread the quasi-laughter far and wide.

(EDIT: Some possible candidates for 'dramatic interpretation'/'humorous recording' include

Study Noir No More
Unfair Use
Full Casual Jacket
He Stoops to Conquer
Slave to the Man
Words, Words, Words (Repeat)
Humor Court
It's the Arts, Stupid
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dudes
Crib Joint
Wollstonecraft, Table for Two
A Better World to Die In
Death Stalks
The Crack of Doom
Quittin' Time
It Takes a Lot of Dying to Make a House a Home
Largely a Matter of Loot
No Use for a Name

Note that I'd also like feedback from any of you who have done performance stuff about which, if any, of these would work best in a 'dramatic' format. I dunno from nothin'.
flavored with age


It has recently come to my attention that you can, for a small fee, get a whole assload more icons. On the one hand, more icons! On the other, small fee. What to do? Especially since my current icon set blows?

Poll #552470 Icons!

What should I do about these goddamn icons?

You should just continue having a different icon set of 15 per month, as determined by poll.
Your icon-set votes are the only good thing about your stupid journal, DON'T YOU DARE STOP DOING THEM
You should buy the space for 100 icons and put up all your icons at once
You should buy the space for 100 icons and put up whatever the hell you feel like
You should have one icon, or none, like a normal person
Who gives a fuck?
You spend entirely too much time thinking about icons
Wait, what does this have to do with Carmine Infantino?
No hablo Ingles
It doesn't matter what you do, because no icon set will ever, ever top Calamity Jon's Match Game icons