August 17th, 2005

flavored with age

USA Today, The World Tomorrow

USA Today continues to pose, via their "Snapshots" feature, the vital questions facing Americans in this time of crisis:

Where do Hall of Famers come from?

What's the biggest source of fraud complaints?

What is your favorite sea creature?

What states attract the most out-of-state freshmen?

What's the most popular state tree?

When was your last eye exam?

Do most kids prefer instant messaging to telephoning?

These things wouldn't even pass muster in a 7th-grade slam book.
flavored with age


Spin-L.P., Chicago’s finest
Doubleplusgood while you’re a minus
Playin’ like Schroeder while you suck like Linus
Thumb in your mouth ‘til you clog your sinus
Rhinoplasty I’ll perform
On your nasty no-good form
Shake my hive you’ll feel my swarm
That’s no jive, you’re cold not warm
This kind of surgery’s not elective
Wish your rhymes were more selective
Does no good to be protective
Your freestylin’s ineffective
Shut you out and make that door lock
Underground like a hardcore Morlock
My shit’s gold like Adam Warlock
Disrupt your flow like a person from Porlock
Yeah, that’s right, some stealthy reference
Leave you baffled, that’s my preference
If you don’t show proper deference
You can suck on my vas deferens
I’m anatomically correct
No respect for your defect
Big-head rappers I have wrecked
Like my left I will connect
Bust you up like De La Hoya
Stick and move and sting like cholla
Dress you down like a jailhouse lawyer
Devour you, son, like in a Goya
So sit back in your recliners
Crawl back in your moms’ vaginas
Leo I, your old-school highness
Spin-L.P., Chicago’s finest
god bless the internet

I got nothin'.

Known for wearing a prosthetic penis in a film.

Known for wearing a prosthetic penis in a film and passing it off as his own.

Known for portraying a prosthetic penis in a film.

Known for naming his band after a prosthetic penis.

Known for using a prosthetic penis to defeat a drug test.

Known for serving as the human equivalent of a prosthetic penis for many years.

Just a dick.