September 27th, 2005

flavored with age

(no subject)

This one's just for the ladies. Gents, take it outside.

Poll #578309 The Stupidest Poll in the History of LiveJournal, Distaff Edition

Alone?

I'm a lone wolf, baby, a rebel
15(44.1%)
Sometimes, but I do so hate to conform to a stereotype, so I'm saying no
2(5.9%)
I must be accompanied by others, as the trite observation dictates
0(0.0%)
We have to go together, to talk about boys
2(5.9%)
We have to go together, to talk about purses
0(0.0%)
We have to go together, to talk about menses
2(5.9%)
We have to go together, to talk about how we lack upper body strength and the faculty of reason
1(2.9%)
We have to go together, to talk about what a pig you are
1(2.9%)
Again, naturally
2(5.9%)
I am a dude
9(26.5%)

Lounge?

Swanky!
2(5.9%)
You WISH you had this, fellas
3(8.8%)
I'm not sitting on that thing
3(8.8%)
It's a nice option, but really not the social venue you might think
17(50.0%)
Hold on, they have a what now?
9(26.5%)

Bidet?

Continental!
6(18.2%)
Sophisticated!
4(12.1%)
Repulsive!
3(9.1%)
Best senator Delaware ever had!
12(36.4%)
I wash myself with a drowned coyote
8(24.2%)

Unisex?

As a sophisticated woman of the Naughty Aughties, I love it
5(14.7%)
As a person intimately familiar with the gross physical traits of men, I hate it
5(14.7%)
As someone who does not live in a heathen metropolis, I have never encountered it
5(14.7%)
What am I, Ally McBeal?
10(29.4%)
What's this about sex now?
9(26.5%)

Activities?

Shit, shower shave
8(23.5%)
Some tee-hees with the girls and maybe a sissy slap fight
2(5.9%)
The usual: some coke and a three-way lesbian quickie
8(23.5%)
I'm not discussing this with you, internet strange-pig
7(20.6%)
I am answering this question even though it says not to because, as a man, I am entitled to everything
9(26.5%)
flavored with age

Lessons I learned from watching the abysmal "Godfather Part III" as homework for a radio show...

...on which I will be discussing images of the Mafia in popular culture:

1. It is not only possible, but very easy, to kill someone with a pair of eyeglasses.

2. If you have a diabetic stroke, it will give you super-powers.

3. If you make out with an ill-tempered bastard while preparing gnocchi, eventually you will be shot in the chest.

4. There is no situation in which it is inappropriate to scream "NOOOOOOOOO!" to the heavens.

5. If you become a ruthless mafia don who alienates his family while trying to protect them, you will die alone in a folding chair and a dog will eat your hat.

Truly, these are lessons for the ages.