October 10th, 2005

i brung you purty flowers

Baseball correspondence

Dear the Houston Astros,

Wow, what a game. Amazing. Thank you for knocking out the hated Braves. Now please defeat the Cardinals, because I fear you less than I fear them.

Semi-respectfully,
#67

***

Dear the St. Louis Cardinals,

Please manifest some weakness. Any weakness. Just so I'll feel better about the possibility of my team playing you.

Timidly,
#67

***

Dear the New York Yankees,

I hate you. But that's okay, because you're straight-up beatable this year (despite the fact that you always play like, well, like the Yankees in October), so by all means, beat those Halos. See you soon.

Arrogantly,
#67

***

Dear the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim,

First off, seriously, let's do something about that name. No one thinks you're funny. Second, thanks for exhausting the Yankees. We'd like them as tired as possible for Tuesday, so please take them to 19, 20 innings today. Also, I'm afraid of you, because the White Sox tend to choke like Albert DeSalvo on the west coast, so please arrange for your 20-inning game against the Yankees to end in a loss.

Demandingly,
#67

***

Dear the Chicago White Sox,

GO BABY GO. Eight more wins and the last 88 years can go fuck themselves. GO!!!

Fanatically,
#67

***

Dear Sunday, October 16th,

As much as I would love to spend you with my friends Doug and Andrea watching a football game in which I have zero rooting interest -- in other words, watching a matchup in a sport I don't care about between two teams I don't care about in order to alleviate the massive stress and sky-high blood pressure I'll be experiencing all October -- it appears that said football game starts at the same time as Game 5 of the ALCS. Unless the White Sox sweep the (Angels/Yankees) -- which I'm hoping for but by no means betting on -- that means there will be a game 5, and despite the fact that I will probably die from doing so, there's no way I won't be watching it. Sigh.

Regretfully,
#67

***

Dear Lost,

Damn it! Why did you turn out to be really good? Now there's another damn thing I have to watch. I have things to do, you know!

Peeved,
#67*

*: Not my actual number, back when I played ball. I was #62. Don't ask where #67 came from because I don't remember.
enough already

If you ain't done, Red Cross still needs ya...

Hey, the news today says there's widepread looting in Pakistan and India in the wake of that horrific earthquake. How is the LGF/Freeper crew going to blame that on black people? (Answer: they won't; they'll blame it on Muslims instead.)

Also, I'm really thunderstruck at the amount of damage Hurricane Stan did in Mexico and Guatemala -- selfishly, because the areas that got hit the worse are placed I've visited.

Good thing we can still count on the cops to protect us from drunken senior citizens.
blowhard

Boom boom boom, let's go blow up my room

Lately, there's been some iffy moments in the war on terror. The President's claim that his people have prevented ten terror attacks in recent days doesn't seem to have won him a tickertape parade, possibly because the public realizes it's easy to make such a claim, particularly if you present no evidence: all you have to do is wait for nothing to happen and then take credit for it. Likewise, the Penn Station threat, if there was one, has impressed people not so much for the quick response so much as for the total lack of solid information and the stunning inability of federal and local governments to communicate with one another. Frankly, people just aren't scared enough about terrorism, and that, unfortunately, frees up their time to notice things like the rocky economy, the lack of accountability for the disastrous Katrina response, and the fact that half of Bush's allies are getting indicted.

In light of this, the Bush-at-any-cost crowd (who have recently invented an alleged wave of terror we're supposed to be right in the middle of, which they've dubbed "The Ramadan Offensive" rather than "The President's Approval Ratings Are In The Toilet Offensive") is trying to make a Muslim mountain out of Joel Hinrich III's molehill.

Hinrichs, if you don't know, is the University of Oklahoma student who blew himself to pieces a little over a week ago outside a football game. He was killed; no one else was even hurt, and despite the suicide-bombing aspects of his death, federal officials were quick to claim that he was just a nut who decided to off himself in a particularly flamboyant way, and not any kind of Islamic terrorist.

OR WAS HE?

Mark Tapscott, a Town Hall drone and media assassin for the root-of-all-evil Heritage Foundation, demands answers.

It was only hours after Joel Henry Hinrichs III blew himself up Oct. 1 near 84,000 football fans at the University of Oklahoma when federal officials claimed he was just a troubled young man with no links to terrorists.

The "near", here, is a nice little piece of hysteria-mongering. By claiming he was "near" over 80,000 people, you can imply that a holocaust was narrowly averted, when in fact Hinrichs was so far away from other people that no one else was even slightly injured despite the fact that his body was strapped with high-powered explosives.

But then yesterday the U.S. Department of Justice asked a federal court in Oklahoma City to seal the search warrant officials there used to get into the apartment Hinrichs’ shared with three or four students described by neighbors as “Arab-looking men.”

Gee, a bombing in Oklahoma City committed by a white guy being blamed on a bunch of mysterious Arab men. That sounds so familiar for some reason.

If Hinrichs acted alone and had no links to terrorists’ organizations or activities, why seal the search warrant? What did investigators find in Hinrichs’apartment that they don’t want the public to know?

Because, of course, sealing a warrant is only ever done to conceal things from the public. It's never done for any other reason. Besides, why would the DoJ want to hide evidence of a botched terror attack? Wouldn't they want people to know about it? Didn't the president just claim that the feds were defeating terror attacks left and right? No one tried to hide the fact that Richard Reid was a would-be terrorist.

That’s an especially important question considering what was already known when Justice sealed the warrant. For example, media reports confirmed by Oklahoma law enforcement sources said investigators found bomb-making materials in the 21-year-old University of Oklahoma engineering student’s apartment.

I'm not sure why it's some kind of shocking revelation that a guy who killed himself with a homemade bomb had bomb-making materials in his home.

Start with the actual holes made in the bark of a tree near the bench where Hinrichs was sitting when he died. The holes appear to have been made by ball bearings or perhaps nails, the very objects typically used by Middle Eastern terrorists bombers to inflict the most widespread possible damage, injury and death.

So, even if he was a terror bomber, he was the least competent terror bomber in the world, having built -- with the aid of his Arab buddies -- this horrifically deadly weapon of mass destruction and set it off within spitting distance of a crowd of 85,000 people, and still managing to injure no one. Even if this wasn't just a suicide, I'm not sure why I should care; if this is the best they can do, we're in little danger.

Here’s another hole: Hinrichs registered his car in Oklahoma in June of this year, but only for nine months ending in February 2006. The June registration could be explained by his going to summer school, but the February expiration date would fall in the early weeks of what would have been his spring semester at OU. Did he know months ago that he would not be around by the time February rolled around next year?

The fiend! His cunning plan is spelled out in his sinister vehicle registration patterns!

Not only did investigators not impound Hinrichs’ car, they also left out in plain sight on the vehicle’s front seat the Justice Department inventory of things they found in it, including 13 plastic bottles. The bottles weren’t described, nor did the inventory indicate whether any of them had anything in them. However, plastic bottles are often associated with bomb makers who find the containers suitable for transporting volatile chemical explosives.

There was also a cardboard box -- the very sort of cardboard box in which one could place a nuclear bomb!

The foregoing is only a sampling of the numerous facts turned up in the week since Hinrichs died by yours truly and other bloggers, including Generation Why, Zombietime, Flopping Aces and The Jawa Report.

Well, Jesus, if Zombietime, Flopping Aces and the Jawa Report all say it, it MUST be true!

Of course, I don't know if Hinrichs was really a suicide, or some incredibly botched quasi-terrorist. But neither do any of the other fearmongering dingbats who are trying to turn him into the second coming of Mohammed Atta. Nor am I saying this is part of any sort of orchestrated plot by the government to distract people -- I leave that kind of conspiracymongering to Zombietime, whatever that is. I'm just saying, I'm distrustful of any claims not supported by evidence, particularly when those claims (a) are supposed to make me afraid and (b) come from people who have a vested interest in my not paying attention to how bad their party is doing at the moment.