October 11th, 2005

i brung you purty flowers

COSTANZA!, or, more unreasonable yapping about baseball.

You know, I was really rooting for the Yankees yesterday. No, really, I was! Of course, it was for entirely selfish reasons -- I thought the White Sox would have a better chance against them than the Angels. But I really did suspend my Yankee-hate for a day.

And then Steinbrenner sends his lackey Cashman to the commissioner's office on an errand and reminds the whole world why so many people hate him. Right before they were eliminated in last night's game, Steinbrenner sent Cashman to plead with Selig (the Angels, now that they're in the catbird seat, are joining this absurd pity-party) that the ALCS be pushed back by a day to accomodate a travel day for his team. It's unfair, he says, to make the Yankees-Angels winner have to play five games, then travel straight to Chicago on no rest to start the ALCS.

There's so many reasons why this is bullshit, one hardly knows which one is the bullshittiest:

1. The playoff schedules were made a year ago, and everyone knows a rainout can force this kind of situation. The time to protest it was in 2004.

2. This sort of thing happens all the time in the regular season. Most teams play every single day, and frequently have no getaway day. That's baseball. It's not basketball or football where everyone needs a couple days' rest between games.

3. Rescheduling the playoffs to accomodate one team's bitching would be a massive middle finger to the networks, whose massive cash expenditures for the TV rights allow George Steinbrenner to maintain his bloated $200m payroll.

4. What about the White Sox? How would rescheduling the ALCS be fair to them? They've already been idle for four days, far and away the least they've played since March. Any momentum they had is long dissipated. Another day's delay and they'll have been sitting for a week, which is close to unconscionable. It may not be fair to make a ballclub play on no rest and have them enter an important series exhausted, but I don't see how it's more fair to make a ballclub play on five days of idleness and have them enter an important series dull and soft. At least the regular season prepares you for quick turnarounds; nothing in the regular season prepares you for five days off.

5. No one forced the Yankees and Angels to play five games except the Yankees and Angels. If one of them had been better, they wouldn't be in this position.

So suck it up, Angels. And Steinbrenner, you shouldn't have shit to say until next April.
he's just a stereotype

The Republic of French Stereotypes

So my invisible pal calamityjon and his wifely wife superdaintykate are in Paris, the City of Lights, with manningkrull and tamisevens. (I think littlewashu is still there too, but I may be wrong. I can't keep track of that crazy kid's comings, goings and in-betweenings.)

I am assuming, and I think you'll all join me in this assumption, that when Jon returns, he will:

1. Be wearing a horizontally-striped black and white sweater, a beret, and a neckerchief.
2. Be carrying a grocery bag with a baguette sticking out of the top.
3. Speak in a pronounced nasal accent.
4. Be really snooty and condescending about America.
5. Quickly surrender to anyone even remotely threatening.
6. Have a mistress.
7. Eat snails and drink wine constantly.
8. Love Jerry Lewis.
9. Hate the English.
10. Smoke ghastly-smelling unfiltered cigarettes by the truckload.

Come on, kids! This is your Tuesday Timewaster: What other outrageously stereotypical French habits will Jon acquire in Paris? And, if that gets too boring, what if Jon and Kate take side trips to Rome? Berlin? London? Moscow?

GO!