October 21st, 2005

what the professional fuck?

A new low in dumb-ass mayoral sports wheedling

The mayor of Houston, whose name, I believe, is Chappy Squidfrotter, has declared tomorrow in his city to be "No Sox Day". Residents are encouraged to rock mad 'Stros gear -- so far, so good -- but (lameness ahoy!), not to wear socks, in order to, I dunno, shame the Chicago White Sox by showing that the citizens will forego warmth, comfort and safety in order to show their disapproval for the opposition.

Not only does this represent a zenith of dipshit civic pride activities, but how are my fellow Chicagoans supposed to answer this? Is Mayor Daley supposed to ban all municipal space flights for the duration of the series? Does the Adler Planetarium get shut down for a week? Should we forego the drinking of Tang until our team acheives victory?

Lame, Mayor Squidfrotter. Lame.
bizarro am drunk motherfucker

Speaking of lame...

Yesterday, I was boring my friend rum_holiday senseless by listing for her all the dopey cute nicknames they used to give superheroes before they decided they should be 'relevant'. You know, like "the big blue Boy Scout" or "Supes" for Superman; "Bats" for Batman; "Shell-Head" for Iron Man; "Shulky" for She-Hulk; "the green goliath" for the Hulk; "the big red cheese" for Captain Marvel.

Well, this being Friday and I being a jackass, here's something you can do if you're unspeakably bored: leave me a comment, and I will bestow upon you just such a limp nickname.

Or, you could so something productive with your time instead.
aging gracelessly

And of course, what's a meme without a stupid poll to go with it?

Poll #595275 Flayday!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All. Participants: 56

Who is going to win the World Series?

View Answers
The Chicago White Sox
19(33.9%)
The Houston Astros
4(7.1%)
The New York Yankees, somehow
7(12.5%)
I don't know
9(16.1%)
I don't care
17(30.4%)

Does the ratings failure of the Martha Stewart version of "The Apprentice", and the subsequent criticism of it by critics and by Donald Trump, reflect the ever-present sexism of our society?

View Answers
Yes
0(0.0%)
No
2(3.6%)
Maybe
0(0.0%)
Who cares?
0(0.0%)
I've never seen either version and I never will
7(12.7%)
Sexist or not, this vulgar celebration of greed and corporate power makes no one look good
2(3.6%)
Any conceivable criticism of Martha Stewart is proof of the phallocentric rape-culture of AmeriKKKa
2(3.6%)
Shut up, bitch
0(0.0%)
I'm too busy watching "America's Next Top Model" to have an opinion about this
6(10.9%)
I don't know, but I also don't know if I want to live in a country that allows Donald fucking Trump to become a beloved TV star
11(20.0%)

Which member of the Coppola family could you most easily defeat in a fight?

View Answers
Francis Ford Coppola
11(20.8%)
Sofia Coppola
11(20.8%)
Talia Shire
11(20.8%)
Nicholas Cage
5(9.4%)
Jason Schwartzman
15(28.3%)

What should be the name of the next big hurricane?

View Answers
Chet
2(3.6%)
Zephaniah
7(12.5%)
Hortense
5(8.9%)
Stumpy
1(1.8%)
Katrina II
2(3.6%)
Adolf
8(14.3%)
LaShonda
5(8.9%)
Increase
4(7.1%)
Nyarlathotep
17(30.4%)
Jiminy
5(8.9%)

What happened to the imaginary friend you had as a child?

View Answers