November 11th, 2005

stella stella can't you hear me yella

Whorin'

Read most of my mini-feature on Cage's new Hell's Winter album and my 'interview' with baffling techno-punks Adult. in the latest issue of UR. If you are so inclined.

(NOTE: Yes, I know that's not a picture of Adult., but rather of the New Pornographers, who I interviewed last month. I don't put the site together, folks, I just write for 'em.)
i brung you purty flowers

The Name Blame Fame Game

And now, with the baseball season over and the NBA season getting in full swing, it's time for the 2005 edition of BEST BASKETBALL NAMES!

Best Name That Sounds Kinda Like It's Dirty, But Really It Isn't: Cenk Akyol

Best Unconventional Spelling of a Common Given Name: Andray Blatche

Best Last Name That Can Also Be Used to Describe a Burlesque Act: Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje

Oddest Ethnic First-Name/Last-Name Combination: Anwar Ferguson

Name That Looks Most Like a Typo: Kemani Ffriend

Tersest Eastern European Name: Mile Ilic

Strangest Jones: Dahntay Jones

Winner, Latka Gravas Memorial Cup: Nenad Krstic

Now Playing at the Kinshasa Danceteria: DJ Mbenga

Do What Now? Award: Ian Mahinmi

Best Name That Just Seems Completely Made Up In Order to Amuse SportsCenter Anchors: Boniface N'Dong

Best Nickname: Smush Parker

Best Name That Sounds Like It Belongs to a Cute-But-Mentally-Unstable Hippie Girl: Zaza Pachulia

Best Upper-class British Toff Name on a Black Guy from Brooklyn: Sebastian Telfair

Best Porn Star/Wrestler/Country Singer Name: Travis Outlaw

Least Terse Eastern European Name: Nikoloz Tskitishvili

Best Soap Opera Star Name on a 7'3" Man: Peter John Ramos

Name That Sounds Most Like a Song By the Fall: Luther Head

Heir to a Vast German Cookie Fortune: Von Wafer

Winner and Still Champion, All-Time Best NBA Player Name Award: Nene Hilario
god bless the internet

OH YES THERE IS ONE!

Poll #610123 Scrutin de vendredi

What is your preferred nickname for Donald Trump?

The Donald
2(4.9%)
Donald Mayonnaise
2(4.9%)
Trumphole
7(17.1%)
The Short-Fingered Vulgarian
8(19.5%)
That Fucking Dick Donald Goddamn Trump
22(53.7%)

What's your favorite cardinal virtue?

prudence
0(0.0%)
temperance
3(7.3%)
fortitude
7(17.1%)
justice
6(14.6%)
faith
0(0.0%)
hope
2(4.9%)
charity
2(4.9%)
I dunno, but I like that Husker Du song "Charity, Chastity, Prudence and Hope"
5(12.2%)
I don't think you know what the cardinal virtues are, you hellbound sinner
2(4.9%)
It's so hard to choose just one, because I love them all to itty bitty pieces
4(9.8%)
I prefer the deadly sins, because they are more fun
7(17.1%)
Wait, I thought his name was Cardinal George
3(7.3%)

Which of my current vast collection of icons do you wish I would get rid of and replace with something else you will detail in comments?

I love each and every one of your icons
4(9.8%)
The guns are pretty boring
16(39.0%)
The cereal mascots fill me with rage
2(4.9%)
The porn stars are extremely repulsive
9(22.0%)
You hardly ever use the beer labels
5(12.2%)
The Soviet athletes make a mockery of global geopolitics
1(2.4%)
I hate the Justice League icons and am voting for you to get rid of them even though I know there's no way in hell you're going to
4(9.8%)

In which of the following shameful activities have you engaged in the last week?

Buying comic books
0(0.0%)
Watching science fiction movies/TV
0(0.0%)
Role-playing
0(0.0%)
Wearing a costume not at Halloween
0(0.0%)
Writing fan fiction
0(0.0%)
Assembling statistical data for a sports team
0(0.0%)
Reading a romance novel
0(0.0%)
Posting on an internet message board
0(0.0%)
Dressing up my dog or cat and taking photographs of it
0(0.0%)
Engaging in idle speculation about the sexual proclivities of a fictional adolescent wizard and his friends
1(2.4%)
Listening to music unknown to at least 75% of the American public
3(7.1%)
Programming a computer in a non-professional capacity
0(0.0%)
Playing a killing-oriented video game
0(0.0%)
Being Canadian
0(0.0%)
I am deeply offended by this poll question
0(0.0%)

Name and briefly describe your most embarrassing relative.