November 18th, 2005

it says here...

What We Learned From Yesterday's Poll

1. Opinion on whether or not Coke should remove the identifier "Classic" from their flagship product was near-evenly split, but a narrow majority of you sensibly decided that this issue was of the least possible relevance to you and your lives.

2. "Cathy", haters of which are directed to receive a fucking by, if not from, prettykate, edged out whatever may be the current labors of aging Christ-worshiper Johnny Hart as the syndicated comic strip of the lowest quality. "Love Is" received only two votes, which I can only assume means that none of you know what "Love Is", er, is.

3. The question of which of my obsessions is most annoying provided interesting responses. The correct answer, which is that all of my obsessions are equally annoying, was selected by only 15% of respondents. A mere 10% selected the meta-choices involving posting on LiveJournal, and only a combined 17% of you found my music snobbery and unseemly knowledge of TV comedy writing profoundly irritating (as a side note, those choices were both preferred by people I did not expect and not preferred by people I expected). Bizarrely, a fragmentary 6% of you found my half-smart vaporing over post-structuralist literary theory and philosophy annoying, and one person even requested more of it; to this I can only respond, if I did it more often, you would learn to hate it deeply in short order.

Just as oddly, 10% of you found my obsession over the self-created Dargerverse, which I almost never talk about in this forum, annoying. Can this be because you don't know what it is, as one respondent indicated, and this distresses you? Have my few mentions of it gotten under your skin? Do you object to the entire concept as geeky to an unseemly degree? Or do you just hate on Henry Darger? More investigation is called for.

13% of you dislike my unhealthy fascination with right-wing conservative blowhards; I am totally on your side about this one and can only offer shame and self-loathing by way of apology. For the 10% of you who detest my freakish mania for comic books, all I can say is, unfriend me now, because that ain't stoppin'.

The hands-down winner, netting nearly 20% of the vote, was baseball. To which I say, fuck all haters, WHITE SOX WORLD CHAMPS, what!!!!!

4. Judging from the responses, boogieing down at a party with Bush administration officials is not something most of you would want to do. Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Andy Card, and John Ashcroft were singled out as being particularly non-guest-list-worthy, followed closely by Scott McClellan, John Bolton, Tom Ridge, and Michael "Brownie" Brown (I don't get that one; he was one of Bush's frat buddies, so while he may not know how to do anything else, he knows how to get tore up). A surprising number of you claimed you wouldn't mind throwing a few back with Condi Rice, which I'm guessing means you support the 'Condi is secretly a party girl who just wants to throw on a little black dress and get laid on a pile of coats' theory rather than my 'Condi is a dragon-hearted monster, Beria in high heels, who would personally cut the throat of an infant Jesus if it served her ambition' theory. Inexplicably, a whopping 55% majority said they would like to party with Colin Powell. This suggests two interpretations:

- That you believe someone who is less ideologically repugnant would be more fun to party with. I think this is nonsense; Colin Powell is clearly a human yawn, regardless of how many times he feebly attempted to stand up to his boss, and I would rather drink Clorox than be stuck at a dinner party with tablemates like, say, Tom Harkin, Dick Gephardt and Joe Biden. But of course you are entitled to your own opinion.

- That you think Colin Powell is a respectable, decent human being instead of a man who took 60 years to figure out what he believes in, and when he finally did, sold it out for a cigarette and a quarter in exchange for telling lies that led his fellow servicemen into an unjust war. But, again. To each one's own.

5. It's cold everywhere except in smug-ass California.

Have a lovely weekend, sadiqi. I know I will, because it'll have ninafarina in it.