December 9th, 2005

fight the machine

A Dialogue in Two Parts, Both of Which are Myself

PRAGMATIC COMMUNITARIAN LEONARD: Alas, the car is pinned under eight inches of snow. I suppose I'd best get started on digging it clear.

WHINY ANTISOCIAL LEONARD: Don't forget to put down a chair or something so you can save the spot.

PCL: I shall do no such thing. The practice has no foundation in law, and I believe it a hostile and selfish gesture.

WAL: Everyone else does it.

PCL: Then everyone else is hostile and selfish. That doesn't mean I have to be. Street parking, by its very nature, is public; if you can't save a spot when there's snow on the ground, how can you save a spot when there is?

WAL: Fine. Let's both of us have fun getting frostbite and having several small heart attacks shoveling snow for an hour, only to have someone else park there and take advantage of our hard work.

PCL: That is the nature of societal cooperation; there is always a chance that someone will take advantage of your hard work. But if everyone else did the same as me, I could park in another free spot and take advantage of someone else's. So everybody wins.

WAL: That only works if everyone cooperates. In practice, though, someone will take your spot, and everyone else will put out stuff to save their spots, and you'll be screwed.

PCL: That's...look, that's not the point.

WAL: What is the point? And why am I Whiny Antisocial Leonard? It seems to me like I'm the one being practical.

PCL: Shut up and keep shoveling.
ho ho ho

Headlines from the Liberal War on Christmas

Exploding Yule Log Kills 8 in Arlington Heights

Heavy Street Fighting Reported Outside Santa's Village

Pro-Noelist Fifth Columnists Exposed By Response to 'Happy Holidays' Greeting

Police Sweep Suburbs for Christmas Wrapping Storehouses

Santa Escapes Special Forces Pursuit Outside Tora Bora

Casualties in St. Nicholas Day Massacre May Top 6,000

Acting Supreme Court Supports Death Penalty For Any Mention of Christ During December

Elite Hannukah Squadron Claims Victory Against 'Wenceslas Battalion'

Jack Frost Found Hanged in Cell

Tainted Reindeer Meat Scare in Boston

Snow Declared Counter-Revolutionary Force; President Dispatches Blow-Dryer Units to All Metropolitan Areas

Elven-Americans Ordered to Report to Internment Camps
ho ho ho

Do They Know It's Fucking Time?

Poll #630367 Dat Friziday Poll!

What is your preferred term for very short (shorter than 2,000 words) fiction?

Very short fiction
6(10.2%)
Short-short fiction
5(8.5%)
Flash fiction
5(8.5%)
Microfiction/microstories
3(5.1%)
Nanofiction
6(10.2%)
Sudden fiction
1(1.7%)
Postcard fiction
0(0.0%)
All these names are stupid
12(20.3%)
Wait, they have a name for this?
18(30.5%)
As a busy adult, I have no time for fiction
3(5.1%)

What holidays do you celebrate between Dec. 1 and Jan. 5?

Christmas
2(3.4%)
New Year's
3(5.1%)
Kwanzaa
0(0.0%)
Eid el-Fit'r
0(0.0%)
Hannukah
1(1.7%)
Saturnalia
0(0.0%)
Festivus
0(0.0%)
my birthday
0(0.0%)
another holiday I will specify in Comments
0(0.0%)
I celebrate anything that gets me presents
5(8.5%)

Which of my Top Ten Albums of 2005 have you heard?

Andrew Bird, "The Mysterious Production of Eggs"
3(4.9%)
Dälek, "Absence"
0(0.0%)
The Decemberists, "Picaresque"
2(3.3%)
Felt (Slug & Murs), "Felt 2: A Tribute to Lisa Bonet"
0(0.0%)
The Mars Volta, "Frances the Mute"
3(4.9%)
Meshuggah, "Thirty-Three"
0(0.0%)
M.I.A., "Arular"
1(1.6%)
Orthrelm, "OV"
0(0.0%)
Spoon, "Gimme Fiction"
1(1.6%)
Sufjan Stevens, "Come On Feel the Illinoise"
0(0.0%)
I have heard all of these records
1(1.6%)
I have heard none of these records
18(29.5%)
You suck
0(0.0%)
The Village Voice must be really desperate these days
0(0.0%)
I like Billy Joel
0(0.0%)

What is your favorite holiday carol with the a variant on the word 'fuck' added?

"I Saw Mommy Fucking Santa Claus"
8(13.1%)
"God Rest Ye Fucking Gentlemen"
6(9.8%)
"Fuckin' Around the Christmas Tree"
2(3.3%)
"Jingle Bell Fuck"
1(1.6%)
"Fucking Navidad"
1(1.6%)
"All I Want for Christmas is My Fucking Teeth"
5(8.2%)
"Fucking Bells"
3(4.9%)
"We Wish You a Fucking Christmas"
0(0.0%)
"The Twelve Days of Fucking"
5(8.2%)
"Fucking Wonderland"
0(0.0%)
"Fuckface the Snowman"
9(14.8%)
"Have Yourself a Merry Fucking Christmas"
8(13.1%)
"Rudolph the Fucking Reindeer"
5(8.2%)
other
3(4.9%)
You're going to burn in Hell for all eternity
5(8.2%)

And what do YOU want for Christmas, little boy/girl/transgendered person?